Monday, January 04, 2010

New Year's Resolutions

It is that time of year again! Each January we make promises to ourselves and others resolving to be better people and to improve our situations in life. Then we proceed to abandon and eventually ignore each and every one of them. Baseball players are no different from the rest of us. Certainly, each year we see the foibles and follies of these athletes, and that got me wondering what some of last year's recalcitrant major leagers, hapless teams, and clueless umpires have on their lists this year.

Alex Rodriguez
1. Donate large portion of salary to Dale Murphy's "I Won't Cheat" foundation.
2. Contact Grady Sizemore regarding joint Jock mag spread.

Manny Ramirez
1. Start shopping for a team who'll pay $45 million for just one season.
2. Start acting my age.

Prince Fielder
1. Limit home run celebrations to 10 minutes.
2. Call dad.

Tim Lincecum
1. Just say NO!
2. Repeat winning Cy Young Award.

Joba Chamberlain
1. Drink less.
2. Beg Eiland and Girardi to make me a closer.
3. Visit mom.
4. Write a book outlining why I love New Yorkers.

Milton Bradley
1. Give the Mariners their money's worth.
2. Don't badmouth my new team.
3. Be nice to Ken Griffey Jr.

David Wright
1. DUCK!
2. Market new fashion line incorporating over sized helmets.
3. Move to Vermont.
4. Marry Jose Reyes.

New York Mets
1. Construct cyborgs to replace team.
2. If that fails, wrap team in foam, bubble wrap, and body armor.

Washington Nationals
1. Finish season at least 4th in division
2. Find another manager

Tim McClelland, Phil Cuzzi, C.B. Bucknor, Chuck Meriweather, Angel Hernandez, and Bob Davidson
1. Retire.

8 comments:

GM-Carson said...

The Mets might actually win with that resolution.

Katie Ham said...

Great list of New Year's resolution, they share the blessings they earn last year. God bless you all you have a great heart:)

tamtam said...

Love Joba Chamberlain's "drink less" and "visit mom"

ROFL!!! XD

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