It's been a while since we've heard from Sammy Sosa.
Once viewed as baseball's saving grace from the horrors of the Steroid Era, Sosa's career hit rock bottom after a fallout with his longtime employer, the Chicago Cubs, and ending his career in disgrace with the Rangers.
But Slammin' Sammy has resurfaced again. Over the weekend, he and his lovely wife Sonia attended the Latin Grammy's in Vegas.
But that's when things got weird.
When I was still a Cubs fan, I had a poster of Sammy Sosa in my room. Though the poster is now long gone (thank my mom for that), Sammy looked just like this:
Well, guess what he looks like now:
I kid you not-that is the late great Sammy Sosa. It appears that he's well on his way to becoming baseball's version of Michael Jackson (just without all the plastic surgery). And I can assure you that is not a bad makeup job-there was another photo with Sosa's hand, and it was the same color as his face.
I'll bet you're all wondering "WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS GUY?!" Well, you're not the only ones. According to "Sports by Brooks" and "Midwest Sports Fan", Sosa may be suffering from vitiligo-a skin discoloration disorder that supposedly plagued the late singer Michael Jackson. While the cause of the disease is likely genetic, other factors are suspect in playing a role in its cause as well-namely steroid use.
Sosa, along with many other notable players, was a known steroid user. SbB speculates that HGH, a common steroid used by players to build muscle, has skin discoloration as one of its side effects. But, lightening the skin is only done when over 50% of the body is covered in the new color, and the other half is still the original tone. This could explain Sosa's sudden change from dark Dominican to whiteboy wannabe (down to the green contacts).
But if steroid use is really to blame for Sosa's new pigment, it leaves us to wonder if other known users named in the Mitchell Report suffer the same fate. And thats where the wonders of Photoshop begin.
First up on the depigmentation list: Manny Ramirez!!
Earlier this year, Manny got busted for steroids and missed half the season. This will likely be him at 40. Now, if only he'd get a haircut...
Next up: David "Papi" Ortiz!
I'll bet that Papi, once he's been clean for a few years, will look something like this. He doesn't look too bad-just like a chubby white guy! He'll blend in perfectly with the rest of America.
Since steroids can make dark, Caribbean skin light, it must also turn pale American skin brown! And by brown, I'm talking more than the suntan you get after a day at the beach.
First up on the repigmentation list: Roger Clemens!
Yeah, that IS Roger Clemens, not Robinson Cano or Melky Cabrera's twins!! Clemens was alleged to have injected himself in the ass, sometimes with the help of fellow teammates. One can't help but bet that the repigmentation started there, and then spread.
Next up: Andy Pettite!
Since Pettite was Clemens' BFF, it's only natural that he got the drugs from Roger. "Injury" indeed. Oh what a cruel mistress time can be!
Many thanks to Burton for the photoshopped pics.