Friday, October 02, 2009

The Strange Saga of Ted Williams

Baseball purists! Ted Williams is back in the news again!

As we all remember in 2003, Williams died after a battle with cardiac problems. Soon after he died, a dispute arose in the family over what to do with the late slugger's body. His daughter wanted her father cryogenically frozen like Austin Powers in "International Man of Mystery", and his son wanted his father cremated. Sounds like arguments over leftovers from last night-do you freeze them or do you stick them in the fridge to heat up for lunch tomorrow?

Well, since Mr. Williams was admitted to Alcor, the cryo facility where he is currently held, his final resting place has been less than restful. According to deadspin, a former head honcho for Alcor wrote a book detailing the mistreatment of Williams' body. Read it and retch:

Johnson writes that holes were drilled in Williams' severed head for the insertion of microphones, then frozen in liquid nitrogen while Alcor employees recorded the sounds of Williams' brain cracking 16 times as temperatures dropped to -321 degrees Fahrenheit.

Johnson writes that the head was balanced on an empty can of Bumble Bee tuna to keep it from sticking to the bottom of its case.

Johnson describes watching as another Alcor employee removed Williams' head from the freezer with a stick, and tried to dislodge the tuna can by swinging at it with a monkey wrench.

The technician, no .406 hitter like the baseball legend, missed the can with several swings of the wrench and smacked Williams' head directly, spraying "tiny pieces of frozen head" around the room.

Now, I'm not all that religious, but even I know that desecrating a body is a bad thing. Using a frozen cadaver's head as batting practice is no exception.

I take it would be a bad pun if I said that Ted Williams is spinning in his grave over what is happening to him post-mortem. Never mind, I already said it.



GM-Carson said...

It's a shame one of the greatest hitters of all-time has this shitty saga as one of his lasting memories.

I hope to God that Tony Gwynn Jr. doesn't decide to do something crazy with Tony Gwynn's chubby deceased body when that day comes.

tamtam said...

good point, but i'm more curious as to what prince fielder will do to his father when the old man croaks

Burton said...

Burn it and piss on the ashes, such love in that family.

tamtam said...

both those families are f*cked up!