Monday, October 12, 2009

A Helping Hand

Let's face it, umpiring is not easy. These professionals are constantly berated and second-guessed every time they make a decision! Sure, they may make a mistake and blow a call every once in a while. Of course they anger players, managers, and fans alike. Instead of constantly criticising these arbiters of justice, however, I have decided to give them a Helping Hand. The Helping Hand is a handheld GPS device that will eliminate any and all guesswork, and stop all the talk of increasing the usage of instant replays. Most of all, it will allow these men to keep their jobs and their dignity.

How It Works
The Helping Hand utilizes the complex system of satellites that remain in a geosynchronous orbit, and state-of-the-art nanotechnology. A simple locator beacon will be placed inside each baseball, which will record and transmit its precise location on the surface of the Earth to the satellites, then relaying this information to the device. Umpires can use the Helping Hand behind the plate, and in the outfield. It will provide instant real-time information about the ball's location. It can even indicate whether or not a batter has been hit by an errant pitch!

Hopefully, Bud Selig will consider allowing his umpires to use this device. He can use them on a trial basis with Phil Cuzzi, C.B. Bucknor, Chuck Meriweather, Angel Hernandez, and Bob Davidson for starters.

Sport Science - Bad Calls


GM-Carson said...

Did you come up with all of those pictures on your own? If so, ingenious!

Burton said...

I sure did :) Thanks!

tamtam said...


GM-Carson said...

I love this site. Oh wait, I'm a co-author on this site. Bad form, bad form.

Mellie said...

I love this site, too!

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