Thursday, June 11, 2009

Preposterous Unsubstantiated Bullsh*t

Some blogger has made an innuendo suggesting that breakout performer Raul Ibanez may have taken PEDs. His claim is baseless and retarded. With that same invigorating carelessness I propose some other preposterous unsubstantiated bullshit on MLB players…

Carlos Beltran is a closet Backstreet Boys fan, and actually has bought “concert worn tighty-whities” from each member of the band off of Amazon.

Derek Jeter has submitted a tape for the reality series Survivor 7 times now, but has been turned down for what the network is calling “chemical imbalance”.

Matt Holliday once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

Cliff Lee masquerades as a physician so he can do “Doctors Without Borders” during the offseason…that bastard!

Rafael Furcal is not 31 years old, is not Dominican, and that’s actually not his real name. He’s actually just really tan all the time, is 37, hails from Nebraska, and is named David Smith ...faker!

Alex Rodriguez not only did steroids in high school, he was also legally a female at the time (Alexia).

Roy Halladay hates Canada and burns Maple Leaf flags as a masked demonstrator sometimes.

Joe Mauer is a door-to-door bible-thumping Jehovah's Witness.

Wrecks-N-Effect- Rump Shaker


Amanda said...

It's all about the BSB. "I wannnt it thattt way."

GM-Carson said...

Beltran apparently likes it "both ways".

Burton said...

I often wondered about Rafael Furcal, especially a couple of years ago when he was still playing in the Little League World Series.

GM-Carson said...

My actual name is Hindob Aksu-Uwakindi. I'm famous in my homeland!

tamtam said...

most of these players are has-beens, just like the backstreet boys