Saturday, April 18, 2009

Fragile- Handle With Care

Are Chipper Jones and Milton Bradley truly ever healthy? The two of them probably came out of the womb with bumps and bruises for crying out loud. Injury prone is an understatement when it comes to these two. The past two seasons I've had Larry "Chipper" Jones on my fantasy team, and when he's in the lineup he pleasantly rewards me for selecting him. However, he misses so many games with minor aches and pains that it becomes one major pain in the ass to have him on my roster. The volatile enigma known as Milton Bradley has the same problem. Tweaking a hamstring here, hurting a pinkie finger there, "sitting out" for anal fissures, having to get the stitches removed from their manginas...grow some balls so you can play ball bitches!!!

They are both offensively talented. Chipper is one of the best switch hitters of all time with a career OPS of .955, and Milton ain't too shabby either coming in at .825. Those OPS's would be put to better use in more games though as Jones has averaged 144 games played per season and Bradley only 91 (for someone's name that is associated with games, he sure doesn't seem to get into too many of them). I played 10 years of football, 4 of those years at the college level, and never missed a game. Coach used to tell us to "rub some dirt on it" if we got a boo-boo. These two are obviously a pair of pansies. Message to Chipper and MB- Next time you have split-ends, a hang nail, or chaffed nipples; suck it up, lace up your cleats, and get your ass on the field.

*Busted Coverage has hot pictures of Jay Cutler's new chick.

*No Guts, No Glory gives you the A-Z Guide for the NBA Playoffs, if you care.

*Major League Jerk has the new Nike running commercial...holy shit, they're nude! They also give 10 reasons why the MLB Network totally kicks ESPN's ass.

*Did you know saying "cocksucker" on tv in Canada is okay? (Courtesy of Awful Announcing)

*Sports Rubbish has a story of a Chinese soccer coach who beat up one of his players. Shouldn't all soccer players have the shit kicked outta them?

*Bootlegger Sports shares the news of John Madden's retirement. About f'n time if you ask me.

*Padres closer Heath Bell is the gift that keeps on giving according to Rumors and Rants.

*Legoland (San Diego) or Sesame Place (Philly), you decide. (Courtesy of We Should Be GM's)

*The Love of Sports has a touching tribute to Harry Kalas.

Pansy Division- Manada


GM-Carson said...

History lesson- Pansy Division is one of the first openly gay rock bands. 3 out of the 4 members are gay, only straight guy is the drummer.

Chris said...

The poor drummer. Never safe in the tour van...

YouGabSports said...

Well, at least the drummer is always sitting down!

As for our fragile friends, a great one to photoshop the head of Bradley on to would have been Samuel L. Jackson's character from Unbreakable, you know, the dude who break bones every time he takes an awkward step?!

GM-Carson said...

Milton Bradley is brittle. He's a complete dick too, so I feel no remorse for making fun of him.

tamtam said...

the cubs took the plunge even further when they hired bradley. that diva's done nothing but bitch and sit injured on the bench throughout all his career. as for chipper-pfft. that guy's almost (note-ALMOST)as old as dirt. time for him to retire. if he cant stand up without pulling a hammie, its time to go. expect to see him hobbling up to home plate with a walker in the near future.

GM-Carson said...

Not only does Milton Bradley get injured and not play, he gets hot-headed and gets suspended.

Link, Link, LinkWhat a fucktard!

tamtam said...

AAAAHAHAHAHAA!!!! what a fucktard!! barely 1 month into the start of the season and already he's racking up the injuries and suspensions. good going jim hendry!!

Burton said...

What'd he do this time? Chip a nail and cry about it?

GM-Carson said...

Chipping a nail is painful...if it's a metal nail chipping your skull.

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