Thursday, April 23, 2009

Can't Buy Me...

Nowadays in Major League Baseball hits, runs, and rbi are handed out like standard red 16 oz. Dixie cups at a frat party (everyone gets one). However, sometimes there's the ugly fat girl with weird facial hair and a lisp that isn't even allowed to get her pudgy mitts on the sacred beverage holder. Through roughly 2 and a half weeks of baseball some batters are still in search of that illusive first hit, run, or rbi of the season and are left empty-handed like the fugly chick at the party. So this is for all the people that can't buy a hit, run, rbi, or lay...

(Stats as of 4/22)
Hitless (min. 10 ab): David Murphy/Texas Rangers 18 ab, Jason Smith/Houston Astros 17 ab, Greg Norton/Atlanta Braves 11 ab, and Matt Treanor/Detroit Tigers 11 ab.

Runless (min. 20 ab): Eric Chavez/Oakland Athletics 28 ab, Chris Snyder/Arizona Diamondbacks 23 ab, Dewayne Wise/Chicago White Sox 21 ab, and Travis Buck/Oakland Athletics 20 ab.

RBI-less (min. 20 ab): Brandon Moss/Pittsburgh Pirates 40 ab, Jose Bautista/Toronto Blue Jays 27 ab, Garrett Anderson/Atlanta Braves 25 ab, Gabe Kapler/Tampa Bay Rays 25 ab, Dewayne Wise/Chicago White Sox 21 ab, and Brent Lillibridge/Chicago White Sox 20 ab.

The Beatles- Can't Buy Me Love

4 The Non-illiterate:
*No Guts, No Glory has us wipe drool from our chin with a post on hottie Natalie Gulbis.

*Major League Jerk has a post on why Jews are apparently better at protesting than Catholics.

*Awful Announcing has more on ABC's announcement of "The Superstars".

*Rumors & Rants checks in on chunky San Francisco Giant Pablo Sandoval, who also happens to be my fantasy team's starting catcher.

*Zoner Sports is ready for Jose Contreras to be gone, and they have replacement in mind.

*Bootlegger Sports has the scoop of William "The Fridge" Perry on the fritz.

*Sharapova's Thigh has a pictorial of Jessica Alba and Autumn Reeser. Thanks alot fellas, like that will really help my priapism.

*Waiting For Next Year has news about the Cleveland Indians call-up of Tony Sipp (there's a missed opportunity for a literal photoshopped card).

*Diamond Hoggers has a picture of pussy at Wrigley's a cat you perverts!


GM-Carson said...

Update- Chris Snyder scored a run last night.

FatGirl said...

Funny FYI - at my local minor league team, Greensboro Grasshoppers, the "Bat Dog" Yogi was thrown out of the game by the home plate ump for answering Nature's Second Call between third base and short stop... there may be a fine pending.

GM-Carson said...

Please tell me this was a real live dog and not a man dressed up in a pup outfit.

FatGirl said...

It was a real dog... although it may be funnier if it was a mascot

GM-Carson said...

That's funny shit...pun intended.

Mr. A-Hole said...

Why so much hate for the fat girls? They need some lovin too.

tamtam said...

@ fatgirl:

hehe. at least the pooch didnt poop on the players-the umps i dont care about. they can get crapped on >:D

GM-Carson said...

I can't believe I use a Beattles song for my He-Bro and he doesn't even acknowledge it.

Burton said...

Thanks for the Beatles, bro.
Last night I got home at 6:30, ate dinner and promply fell asleep on the couch around 8, where I did not move until 5:50 this morning. So I never even saw yesterday's post until this morning. Work SUCKS!

Oh said fugly! I love that word!

GM-Carson said...

Work does suck, it gets in the way of having fun.