Thursday, April 30, 2009

Double Trouble

In 1989, you couldn't flip a channel, open a magazine, or drive down the highway without being greeted with two simple words: "Bo Knows..." Bo Jackson, of course, played outfield for the Royals, and running-back for the Raiders and the truly astounding thing is that he was an All Star in both sports. Jackson's passion was baseball, where he belted 32 homeruns, with 105 rbi, and averaged .256 in 1989, and 28 homeruns, 78 rbi, and an average of .272 in 1990. Football was his "hobby," even though he was awarded with the coveted Heisman Trophy in college. Jackson was at the pinnacle of his career in both sports by 1991 when he injured his hip playing football, essentially putting an end to both careers.

Other Multi-Talented Athletes:
-The first is George "Papa Bear" Halas. Halas is best known for his many contributions to the Chicago Bears franchise, and for bringing football into professional league status. However, in 1919, he was a New York Yankee and pitched a total of 12 games. Why professional baseball? There was no such thing as professional football at the time. Halas changed all that.
-Philadelphia Athletics catcher Jim Castiglia only played three years of baseball in 16 total games. What is surprising about Castiglia is that he was a decent running back for the Philadelphia Eagles when he simply walked away from the sport in 1942 in order to pursue a career in baseball. He returned to football in 1945, but he did leave baseball with a .388 batting average (7 hits out of 18 at bats).
-Chuck Conners, yes the Chuck Conners of Rifleman fame was on the very first Boston Celtics team in 1946. In their first game Conners shattered the backboard, becoming the first player in basketball history to do so. In 1947 he quit basketball to join the Brooklyn Dodgers, and was promptly traded to the Cubs, where he only played 66 games as a first baseman.

-Dick Groat averaged 25 points per game for Duke University's basketball team. In 1952, Groat was drafted to play professionally for the Fort Wayne Pistons. With them he only played in 11 games. With the Pittsburg Pirates that same year, he played in 95 games, earning a .284 average and 109 hits. Groat was drafted by the army in 1952 and left both sports until the end of his service in 1955. He tried to return to the Pistons, but they didn't want him. The Pirates did, however, and Groat went on to become an MVP for the team, and helped them win the World Series in 1960.
-Gene Conley has the distinction of being the only player to win a championship game in two sports. In 1957, the All Star Conley pitched for the Milwaukee Braves when they won the World Series. From 1959 to 1961, Conley helped the Boston Celtics win three NBA titles.
-Second basemen Danny Ainge was only in college when he played for the Toronto Blue Jays from 1979-1981. Ainge, however, earned his recognition throughout the '80s as a guard for the Utah Jazz, Phoenix Suns, and Portland Trialblazers.
-Shortly after Jackson's meteoric media rise, there was "Neon Deion" Sanders, the brash and arrogant cornerback for the Atlanta Falcons who also happened to play baseball. "Prime Time" earned his accolades in football, where he is still considered to be one of the best cornerbacks of all time. In his 11 year baseball career, Sanders averaged .263, but only hit a total of 39 home runs. Unlike Jackson, he never reached All Star status in both sports. He did, however, lead the Braves to three National League Championships, and a World Series title.
-Most recently, there was the Marlin's third baseman, Josh Booty. He was drafted straight out of high school in 1994, and played for the Marlins during their 1997 World Series win. He spent most of his baseball career in the minors, so he quit in 1998, and returned to college to play football. After college, he earned a spot as a backup quarterback for the Cleveland Browns.
-Oh yeah, in 1994 some guy named Michael Jordan retired from basketball and earned a spot on the White Sox farm system. I wonder whatever happened to that guy?

Bo Knows...

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Raggin' on the Rays

Names can be fun, especially when just hearing certain names can produce a funny image. The Tampa Bay Rays have only three players whose names fit this category.

Dan Wheeler - Wheeler covers many terrains with his pitching, from a 90 mph fastball, to a cutting slider. I don't think he'll be able to be the Rays number one set-up man, though as his ERA likes to hover around the double digits.

James Shields - Shields is having a decent season so far with a respectable 1.20 whip and an era of 3.95. The only chink in his armor though is that he's only brought the Rays two wins.

Gabe Gross - Last year, 40 rbi. This year, he's all but been pulled from the line-up. Who could bench a guy with a face like that?

Tampa Bay Rays - It's Our Season

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Man Crush- Albert Pujols

I love the Philadelphia Phillies. I have an unhealthy obsession with the Philadelphia Phillies. I named my first born after a Phillies player, but there's something about Albert Pujols that I simply can't resist. He's amazing, and amazing is an understatement. He's been in the majors for 8 seasons now (currently in season 9), and he's already cemented his place in history as one of the best hitters of all-time.

Career So Far:
*967 runs scored. He would have 8 straight seasons of 100+ runs, but he fell one short in 2007 scoring only 99.

*1554 hits, with no fewer than 177 in a season.

*346 doubles, twice hitting 51.

*326 homeruns, with no fewer than 32 in a season.

*1002 rbi, and has cleared 103 rbi in all 8 full seasons thus far.

*.335 batting average, never batting below .314 (ranks 23rd all-time).

*48 stolen bases, a very smart base runner that takes the extra base when the occasion arises.

*1.051 OPS, that's astronomical (ranks 5th all-time).

*Has 202 more walks (712) than strikeouts (510).

*In 53 postseason games- .323 avg, 1.021 OPS, 10 dbl, 13 hr, 39 r, and 35 rbi.

He's won 2 MVP's, finished 2nd 3 times, and finished 9th or better in the balloting every season. Has 4 Silver Slugger Awards, 1 Gold Glove, and is a 7 time all-star.

What's not to love?

Pujols really does hit everything.

Link Love:
*Major League Jerk thinks OSU should be a better collegiate football team with all the players drafted from there.

*The World of Isaac has a photo of a chesty Russian tennis player...don't worry it's a girl.

*No Guts, No Glory has visual evidence of father pimping his daughter out of BoSox Jacoby Ellsbury.

*Bootlegger Sports focuses on JC Romero's lawsuit against the company that made the supplement that caused him to fail a drug test, get suspended 50 games, and pay a $1M+ fine.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Single Season Sluggers

For one brief shinning moment, these guys were at the top of their game, then they either vanished altogether or faded away. This team is comprised of players who, for whatever reason, had a single outstanding season out of a career that left them largely forgotten. For example, Phil Plantier of the Padres had an amazing 1993 season; he earned the fewest hits by a player with more than 100 RBIs (111) and set a NL for one-year regular record for home runs and RBIs. To qualify, these players had to have at least 400 at bats, or pitched more than a single inning for each game played, and are not currently active. These players hold the all time records for their categories in a single season.

1. Highest batting average, Al Wingo/LF .370/.443/.527, 104 h, 5 hr, 68 rbi
2. Highest slugging %, Cliff Lee/RF .322/.366/.540, 136 h, 17 hr, 77 rbi
3. Highest on base %, after Al Wingo's .456, Tommy Glaviano/2B - .285/.421/.446, 117 h, 11 hr, 44 rbi
4. Most Home Runs (NL), Phil Plantier/CF - .240/.335/.509, 111 h, 34 hr, 100 rbi
5. Most Hits (NL), Chick Fullis/3B - .309/.346/.380, 200 h, 1 hr, 45 rbi
6. Most Runs, 105, Ike Davis/SS - .240/.313/.327, 135 h, 0 hr, 61 rbi
7. Most Home Runs (AL), Gary Alexander/C - .235/.408/.454, 76 h, 17 hr, 62 rbi(Oakland),
8. Most Home Runs (AL), Norm Zauchin/1B - .239/.335/.430, 114 h, 27 hr, 93 rbi
9. Most Home Runs (AL), Ken Phelps/DH (out of 332 at bats - Phelps never had a season where he had 400 at bats) - .259/.410/.548, 86 h, 27 hr, 68 rbi

*Bob Fothergill/OF, Most RBI's 114 - .359/.401/.516
*Hank Edwards/OF, Most Triples 16 - .301/.361/.509
*Dick Wakefield/OF, Most Hits (AL) 200 - .316/.376/.434
*Carl Lind/(SS,2B,3B), Most Doubles 42 - .294/.331/.375
*Eric Yelding/(OF,SS,2B,3B), Most Stolen Bases (NL) 64 - .254/.305/.297

1. Bill James, Most Wins, (NL) 26-7, Lowest era 1.90, - 332 ip, 1.14 whip
2. Bob Grim, Most Wins (AL) 20-6, 199 ip, 3.26 era, 1.307 whip
3. Floyd Youmans, Most Strikeouts (NL) 202 - 13-12, 219 ip, 3.53 era, 1.201 whip
4. Fred Olmstead, Lowest era (AL) 1.95 - 10-12, 184 ip, 1.125 whip
5. Gene Bearden, Most Shutouts (AL) 7 - 20-7, 229.2 ip, 2.43 era, 1.276 whip

1. Ed Correa, Most Strikeouts (AL) 189 - 12-14, 202 ip, 4.23 era, 1.448 whip
2. Buck O'Brien, Most Wins (AL) 20-13, 275.2 ip, 2.58 era, 1.186 whip
3. Bill Stemmeyer, Most Strikeouts (before 1900) 239 - 22-18, 348.2 ip, 3.02 era, 1.273 whip
4. Jocko Flynn, Highest Winning Percentage .793 (23-6) - 257 ip, 2.24 era, 1.051 whip
5. Henry Schmidt*, Most Wins (NL) 22-13 - 301 ip, 3.83 era, 1.465 whip
6. Ed Smith*, Most Wins (AL) 8-11 - 154.2 ip, 3.72 era, 1.332 whip

*Only played one season.
Source - Great Baseball Feats, Facts, and Firsts by David Nemec and Scott Flatow.

This team's strength lies mostly in their batting capabilities. Their overall batting averages are slightly higher than last year's world champions. Their fielding and pitching are mostly average. Overall, they could pose a threat to today's teams - but only for a season.

Queen - One Year of Love I can't explain the video either. Try not to think about it too much.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Week 3 Observations: Comparatively Speaking Edition

*Kevin Youkilis is batting .444 while Jimmy Rollin's OPS is only .441.

*Carlos Pena has hit 8 homeruns while the Oakland Athletics have hit only 7 as a team.

*Bobby Abreu and Jacoby Ellsbury have 8 stolen bases a piece while the Atlanta Braves have only 3 as a team.

*Albert Pujols has knocked in nearly half as many runs (25 rbi) as the San Francisco Giants have scored as a team (56 runs).

*Zack Greinke hasn't allowed an earned run in 29 innings while recently DL'd Chien-Ming Wang has allowed 23 in only 6 innings.

*Francisco Liriano has 4 losses while the Los Angeles Dodgers and St. Louis Cardinals have only 5 as a team.

*Chad Billingsley and Zack Greinke have 4 wins a piece while the Washington Nationals have only 3 as a team.

*Javier Vazquez, Dan Haren, Wandy Rodriguez, and Chad Billingsley have 4 quality starts a piece while the entire Philadelphia Phillies starting rotation has only 4.

*Elvis Andrus has 6 errors while the Philadelphia Phillies have committed only 3 as a team.

Best. Video Game. Ever.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Arousing Array of Rears

A couple months ago More Hardball gave you gratuitous crotchticular activity, and today I present you with an arousing array of rears.

Roberts rubs rump...

Pinella pats pooper...

Sheffield seduces shit-spreader...

Sir Mix-A-Lot: I Like Square Butts

Read or Die!
*We Should Be GM's depicts the chubby Canadian Matt Stairs as a pinch-hitting god.

*Rumors & Rants has the story on dumbass Jeremy Tyler who has opted to dropout of high school to play professional basketball in Europe.

*Sports Rubbish has video of soccer sideline reporter getting hit in head with ball.

*Love of Sports covers the all-time best ballpark promo days.

*Major League Jerk reminisces over some of the classic Nintendo games like RBI Baseball. My favorite of all-time is those cute bubble blowing dinosaurs in Bubble Bobble.

*Bootlegger Sports has perhaps one the top-5 sports related pictures of all-time.

*No Guts, No Glory has the scoop on baby-faced Stephen Curry's decision to make the jump to the NBA.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Fun Friday Facts

A good story is sometimes hard to beat, but sometimes you wonder, is this really true?

If Only, If Only...
In the late 1940's one of the best amateur ball players was a young man named Fidel Castro. Hearing that there was a hot prospect on the tiny island, the Washington Senators sent the future revolutionary an invitation to try-outs. Castro did not perform well, and was rejected by the team, and sent packing. Upon his return home, he joined the rapidly growing socialist movement, and eventually became its leader. The rest as they say, is history. But is it true?
As fun as speculating on what could have been had Cuba lost its key revolutionary figure to baseball (no revolution, no Soviet allies for Cuba, no missile crisis, no Bay of Pigs), the story is false. Castro was an avid baseball fan, and did a lot to encourage the sport's growth in Cuba, but he was never good enough to play at the professional level. The timeline also doesn't work, by the time he was supposedly trying out with the Senators, Castro was already an ardent and outspoken critic of the Batista regime.

Gaylord Perry is best known for his pitching (and spitballs), certainly not for his batting prowess. After an especially poor batting performance one evening in 1963, he joked with a reporter that "They'll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run." Well, on July 20, 1969 Perry, playing for the Giants, belted his first and only home run of his career. A few minutes earlier, Apollo 11 famously reported "The Eagle has landed." Oddly enough this one is true. However, it is undetermined as to who made the original quote, Perry, his manager Alvin Dark, or fans in general.

Can you knock the Hide Off a Ball?


Thursday, April 23, 2009

Can't Buy Me...

Nowadays in Major League Baseball hits, runs, and rbi are handed out like standard red 16 oz. Dixie cups at a frat party (everyone gets one). However, sometimes there's the ugly fat girl with weird facial hair and a lisp that isn't even allowed to get her pudgy mitts on the sacred beverage holder. Through roughly 2 and a half weeks of baseball some batters are still in search of that illusive first hit, run, or rbi of the season and are left empty-handed like the fugly chick at the party. So this is for all the people that can't buy a hit, run, rbi, or lay...

(Stats as of 4/22)
Hitless (min. 10 ab): David Murphy/Texas Rangers 18 ab, Jason Smith/Houston Astros 17 ab, Greg Norton/Atlanta Braves 11 ab, and Matt Treanor/Detroit Tigers 11 ab.

Runless (min. 20 ab): Eric Chavez/Oakland Athletics 28 ab, Chris Snyder/Arizona Diamondbacks 23 ab, Dewayne Wise/Chicago White Sox 21 ab, and Travis Buck/Oakland Athletics 20 ab.

RBI-less (min. 20 ab): Brandon Moss/Pittsburgh Pirates 40 ab, Jose Bautista/Toronto Blue Jays 27 ab, Garrett Anderson/Atlanta Braves 25 ab, Gabe Kapler/Tampa Bay Rays 25 ab, Dewayne Wise/Chicago White Sox 21 ab, and Brent Lillibridge/Chicago White Sox 20 ab.

The Beatles- Can't Buy Me Love

4 The Non-illiterate:
*No Guts, No Glory has us wipe drool from our chin with a post on hottie Natalie Gulbis.

*Major League Jerk has a post on why Jews are apparently better at protesting than Catholics.

*Awful Announcing has more on ABC's announcement of "The Superstars".

*Rumors & Rants checks in on chunky San Francisco Giant Pablo Sandoval, who also happens to be my fantasy team's starting catcher.

*Zoner Sports is ready for Jose Contreras to be gone, and they have replacement in mind.

*Bootlegger Sports has the scoop of William "The Fridge" Perry on the fritz.

*Sharapova's Thigh has a pictorial of Jessica Alba and Autumn Reeser. Thanks alot fellas, like that will really help my priapism.

*Waiting For Next Year has news about the Cleveland Indians call-up of Tony Sipp (there's a missed opportunity for a literal photoshopped card).

*Diamond Hoggers has a picture of pussy at Wrigley's a cat you perverts!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Mocking the Mariners

The Seattle Mariners have five players whose names could be interpreted literally. Sometimes, the pictures speak for themselves.
Bryan LaHair and Mike Morse

Ichiro Suzuki and Mike Carp
Tyler Walker

Some Mariner's Commercials

Seattle Mariners Commercial - Missing K's

Ichiro Suzuki Commercial

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Maskot Kombat

On the whole, mascots are fun, but they can be a touch obnoxious. Your team is down because they are acting as if they were left on the Tilt o' Whirl a bit too long as babies and the announcers are running their mouths too much. You're generally feeling pretty shitty, when a fuzzy giant comes bounding into the stands with a fixed grin plastered across its massive face and begins to annoy the piss out of you. Suddenly you have visions of tearing the foam out of the furry (or feathery) smile, and relax a little. A little violence can be cathartic, and it would be fun to set mascot against mascot in a battle to the faux fur and latex finish. For no particular reason, I start in the AL Central and pit paws and claws against purple and polka dots.

Cleveland Indians' Slider versus Royals' Sluggerrr.

Round 1, FIGHT!
It's really no contest. Although Slider is older by almost 6 years, an inductee in the Mascot Hall of Fame, and a non-offensive replacement for Chief Wahoo. Slider's only move is a center field somersault kick, Sluggerrr has a hot dog cannon, and sharp claws. His association with the Royals is a stretch at best (Royals=Kings=King of the Jungle), but at least he makes more sense than the Suessian Slider. Round 1 goes to Sluggerrr.

Round 2, FIGHT!
Round 2 again sees Sluggerrr victorious. Excellent!

Finish Him!
Sluggerrr wins...Fatality!

Speaking of crossing franchises...

Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe Trailer
A Little Payback

~Bootlegger comments on the changes made by the Detroit Lions' logo and uniforms. At least the Lions can spell their friggin' names right!

~No Guts No Glory dives into the controversy of protecting Doc Gooden's signature on the wall of the Met's sparklin' new stadium.

~The Love of Sports examines the Top 10 Batting Stances. I'm glad they got Jeff Bagwell's sack draggin' squat in there (at #5).

~The guys at Major League Jerk provide a summary of the AL West Division.

~P.S.A.M.P. spots former Steeler's Coach Bill Cowher's amazing teeth at the home of my Carolina Hurricanes during a game against the New Jersey Red Devils.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Hardball Heroes: Harold Baines

Hardball Heroes is More Hardball's version of the Hall of Fame. It's an honor that can be bestowed upon memorable players from baseball's past that never quite made it to the elite status of Hall-of-Famer. To be enshrined in this exclusive class of players, one must have made an impression on us with their play on and off the field. So, without further ado, I bring to you April's Hardball Heroes honoree...

Harold Baines is the owner of 2866 hits, 488 doubles, 384 homeruns, 1299 runs, 1628 rbi, .289 batting average, .820 OPS, and a 6 time all-star. I understand that is not quite Cooperstown worthy, especially coupled with the fact that he was a horrible fielding outfielder that spent most of his career DH'ing, but those are some pretty damn impressive totals. All-time ranks: 18th games played, 31st plate appearances, 40th hits, 33rd total bases, 53rd homeruns, 57th doubles, and 28th rbi. In 31 postseason games: .324 average, .888 OPS, 5 hr, 16 rbi. The former 1st overall pick of the 1977 draft by the Chicago White Sox spent 22 seasons in the majors with the ChiSox, Texas Rangers, Oakland Athletics, Baltimore Orioles, and Cleveland Indians.

Since his playing days he's been honored with a bronze statue outside of U.S. Cellular Field in Chicago. He's currently the first base coach for his beloved White Sox. Fun facts: was discovered as a Little League player at the age of 12 by Whitesox owner Bill Veek, who signed him 6 years later. Every January 9th is Harold Baines Day in St. Michaels, Maryland, where he was born, raised, and still resides today.

Past Hardball Hereos inductees: Bert Blyleven and Dale Murphy.

Harold Movie Trailer

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Week 2 Observations: Crazy Edition

*Royals starting pitcher Zack Greinke is off to an insane start, with 3 wins and a 0.00 era through 20 innings pitched. Oh, and he's struck out 26 batters as well.

*Everybody Wang-Chung tonight? Yankees starting pitcher Chien-Ming Wang is the polar opposite of Greinke, with 3 losses and a 34.50 era through 6 innings pitched. Oh, and he's allowed 23 hits and 23 runs.

*Brad Lidge and the Phillies had a wild ride in 2008, as they were 79-0 when leading after the 8th inning and Lidge converted 47 straight saves. Fast-forward to 2009 and we've got 2 losses under the same conditions and 1 blown save. Setup man Ryan Madson is partially to blame as well.

*Wanna hear something crazy? Top 3 pitching staffs in MLB are the Pirates (2.63 era), Mariners (2.84), and Royals (2.94).

*Miguel Cabrera (.488), Kevin Youkilis (.467), and Ian Kinsler (.457) are off to ridiculous out Ted Williams.

*Severe- Jimmy Rollins is the anti-Splendid Splinter right now batting a MLB worst .133.

*Outlandish- Ranger Chris Davis has k'd 18 times in 10 games.

*Save Me- Padres closer Heath Bell has 7 saves already.

*Ludicrous- the Blue Jays, Orioles, Royals, Mariners, Marlins, and Padres are all at/near the top of their divisions.

*Bizarre- the Phillies, Red Sox, Rays, and Angels are all at/near the cellar of their divisions.

*The Blue Jays have a .296 team batting average while the Reds only .208.

*The Blue Jays are averaging 6.6 runs scored per game while the Astros only 3.1.

*Extreme- Texas and Toronto have launched 22 homeruns each, but Oakland has only 3. Many teams have hit more homeruns in 1 game than the A's have all season. Hell, many players have more homeruns to their name than the A's have as a team.

*Outrageous- Cardinals have committed 12 errors through 13 games and the Nationals 11 errors through 10.

Cypress Hill- Insane in the Membrane

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Fragile- Handle With Care

Are Chipper Jones and Milton Bradley truly ever healthy? The two of them probably came out of the womb with bumps and bruises for crying out loud. Injury prone is an understatement when it comes to these two. The past two seasons I've had Larry "Chipper" Jones on my fantasy team, and when he's in the lineup he pleasantly rewards me for selecting him. However, he misses so many games with minor aches and pains that it becomes one major pain in the ass to have him on my roster. The volatile enigma known as Milton Bradley has the same problem. Tweaking a hamstring here, hurting a pinkie finger there, "sitting out" for anal fissures, having to get the stitches removed from their manginas...grow some balls so you can play ball bitches!!!

They are both offensively talented. Chipper is one of the best switch hitters of all time with a career OPS of .955, and Milton ain't too shabby either coming in at .825. Those OPS's would be put to better use in more games though as Jones has averaged 144 games played per season and Bradley only 91 (for someone's name that is associated with games, he sure doesn't seem to get into too many of them). I played 10 years of football, 4 of those years at the college level, and never missed a game. Coach used to tell us to "rub some dirt on it" if we got a boo-boo. These two are obviously a pair of pansies. Message to Chipper and MB- Next time you have split-ends, a hang nail, or chaffed nipples; suck it up, lace up your cleats, and get your ass on the field.

*Busted Coverage has hot pictures of Jay Cutler's new chick.

*No Guts, No Glory gives you the A-Z Guide for the NBA Playoffs, if you care.

*Major League Jerk has the new Nike running commercial...holy shit, they're nude! They also give 10 reasons why the MLB Network totally kicks ESPN's ass.

*Did you know saying "cocksucker" on tv in Canada is okay? (Courtesy of Awful Announcing)

*Sports Rubbish has a story of a Chinese soccer coach who beat up one of his players. Shouldn't all soccer players have the shit kicked outta them?

*Bootlegger Sports shares the news of John Madden's retirement. About f'n time if you ask me.

*Padres closer Heath Bell is the gift that keeps on giving according to Rumors and Rants.

*Legoland (San Diego) or Sesame Place (Philly), you decide. (Courtesy of We Should Be GM's)

*The Love of Sports has a touching tribute to Harry Kalas.

Pansy Division- Manada

Friday, April 17, 2009

Tell Me What You Really Think

Sometimes in baseball sportsmanship goes out the window.

Players about Players
The Mets have shown me ways to lose I never even knew existed." --Casey Stengel, 1962.

"If we're going to win the pennant, we've got to start thinking we're not as good as we think we are." --Casey Stengel, referring to his own 1953 New York Yankees team.

"When Charlie Finley had his heart operation it took eight hours.
Seven just to find his heart." --Oakland A's pitcher Steve McCatty, 1981.

"He'd give you the shirt off his back. Of course, he'd call a press conference to announce it." --Catfish Hunter on Reggie Jackson.

"He's really turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed." --Harry Kalas on Gary Maddox.

"After I hit a home run I had a habit of running the bases with my head down. I figured the pitcher already felt bad enough without me showing him up rounding the bases." --Mickey Mantle

From Managers and Owners
"I knew I was in for a long year when we lined up for the national
anthem on opening day and one of my players said, 'Every time I hear
that song I have a bad game.'" -- Pittsburgh Pirates manager Jim Leyland, 1986.

"He makes too many senseless errors. He has this little gong that
goes off, saying, 'Hey, this time I'll do something different.'
That's when I swallow my tobacco." -- San Francisco Giants manager Charlie Fox, on his own second baseman, Tito Fuentes, 1973.

"I get tired of hearing my ballplayers bellyache all the time. They should sit in the press box sometime and watch themselves play." -- San Diego Padres president Buzzie Bavasi, 1973.

"If he raced his pregnant wife he'd finish third." --Tommy Lasorda on catcher Mike Scioscia.

"Look at him. He doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke, he doesn't chew
and he doesn't stay out late -- and he still can't hit." --Casey Stengel as Yankees manager in 1956, on second baseman Bobby Richardson.

From Players to Managers
"I told him I wasn't tired. He told me, 'No, but the outfielders
sure are.'" --Texas Rangers pitcher Jim Kern on the manager who removed him from a game, 1979.

"He'd go into the vault to get a nickel change." -- St. Louis Cardinals outfielder Enos Slaughter, on general manager Branch Rickey, 1934.

"It's a good thing Babe Ruth isn't still here -- George would have
him bat seventh and say he's overweight." -- New York Yankees third baseman Graig Nettles on owner George Steinbrenner.

From Sports Announcers
"They (Expos fans) discovered ‘boo’ is pronounced the same in French as it is in English." --Harry Caray

"Rex Barney would be the the league's best pitcher if the plate were high and outside." --Bob Cooke

"He should have been better, pitching on 3,195 days rest." --Steve Blass on Jimmy Boudreau, who had been out of pro baseball for almost nine years.

Complaints Department
"Candlestick was built on the water. It should have been built under it.” --Roger Maris

"I never questioned the integrity of an umpire. Their eyesight, yes." --Leo Durocher

Sometimes, they even insult themselves...
"Our pain isn't as bad as you might think. Dead people don't
suffer." -- Red Sox pitcher Bill Lee, whose team had blown six games against the Yankees late in the 1978 season.

"A shave, please, but don't cut my throat. I may want to do it later
myself." -- Casey Stengel to his barber, when Stengel managed the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1935.

"When we win, I'm so happy I eat a lot. When we lose, I'm so depressed, I eat a lot. When we're rained out, I'm so disappointed I eat a lot.' --Tommy Lasorda

"It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." --Hank Aaron

"I asked the doctor before he closed the wound if he could put some brains in there." --Rex Hudler, after smacking into a wall going after a foul ball.

Robot Chicken - Elmer Fudd vs Bugs Bunny Rap Battle