Friday, March 13, 2009

Taste the Flavor of Greatness!

The owners of each Major League Baseball franchise have decided that since the economy is low and few people will be coming to the games, they are going to bring the game to the fans! In an attempt to compensate for projected losses this season, owners hope to raise revenue by releasing specialized player-specific sodas. Over the course of the next few months, participating teams will be releasing unique cans and flavors featuring their current rosters. Special edition sets will also include past All Stars. Money has already been appropriated to the advertisement of this new product.

Roger Clemens - Clemens' Soda Lemon flavored cola, made from fresh Hudson River water, and a dash of something EXTRA!
Tag line: "It's not anger, it's motivation."

Alex Rodriguez - Lucky 13 This tangy blend of citrus and sweat from A-Rod himself is sure to be a hit with fans. Red Bull may give you wings, but Lucky 13 will give you supernatural abilities!Tag line: "Enjoy my sweat because hard work doesn't guarantee success, but without it, you don't have a chance."

Albert Pujols - Pujols' All Natural Confidence This drink contains only 100% all natural flavors. A generous blend of bananas, citrus, mangoes, and coconuts, with no additives or preservatives. It's not an energy booster. Drink it because it is good. Drink it because you're thirsty. Tag line: "Just concentrate and do the best you can."

Cole Hamels - Plus Plus Change-Up This sweet soda starts a little slow and traditional but suddenly...You'll get knocked off your feet by the awesome goodness that is the Change-Up. This energetic 'Cole-a' has a last second surprise...a double shot of Yuengling Traditional Lager.

Tag line: "That just gets me more excited to go out and play."

Manny Ramirez - BEING MANNY This is not your grandma's soft drink, it's as hard core as you can get without being alcoholic...or illegal! This energy drink packs one hell of a punch! It gets its power from triple the amount of processed sugar, caffeine, taurine, and ginseng found in most 16-ounce energy drinks! At $4.20 per 2-ounce can, this intense soda will be worth it's extraordinarily over-inflated price!*Tag line: "Even when you're not right, you'll get hits!"
*May Cause Cancer

New York Mets - Amazin' Metropolitan Contains 2 oz Brandy, 1/2oz Sweet Vermouth, 1 dash Bitters, 1 tsp Superfine Sugar, high fructose corn syrup, and carbonated sewer waste. Tag line: "Yes, it's shit. At least fans will drink it!"

Fun With Soda!

An EepyBird Production (and one of the most viewed on YouTube)

*Want to make your own cans, how about church signs? Follow this link, to Says-it.com. You may easily lose several hours to this, don't say I didn't warn you.

6 comments:

GM-Carson said...

Dude, I gots ta get me some of dat Hamels shit bro!

Burton said...

Just a bit of random trivia, the Tag lines are either actual quotes from the player or slightly altered quotes.

GM-Carson said...

Nice!

tamtam said...

i think i'll try that mets beverage. after all, the sewer taste won't make you choke any worse then the team come october, or taste any worse then city tap water

Burton said...

True, very true...

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