Friday, March 06, 2009

As Macho Gonads Roll (Old School Anagrams)

This week, More Hardball has gone old school on your asses. After spending a week discussing great baseball players of the past (Brusstar and Tanana excluded), it seemed warranted to divine some wisdom from the names of some great players from the past three decades.

Cal Ripken Jr. - Crap Jerk? Nil!
Ripken was, is, and always will be a class act. A true professional, Ripken is almost immediately identified by consecutive games played (2,632). However, Ripken has some extraordinary statistics. In his 20 years spent entirely with the Orioles, he hit more home runs than any other shortstop in history (431), 1695 RBI, .447 SLG, and .275 AVG. Oh yeah, he also played in 17 back-to-back All Star games, was inducted into the Hall of Fame, and is a really nice guy, spending his retirement working with multiple charities.

Kirby Puckett - Kick Prey Butt
This guy was simply awesome. The third youngest person to ever be inducted into the Hall of Fame, Puckett's devotion to the Twins, the fans, and the game made him an all around star. A power slugger (.477), Puckett earned a lifetime batting average of.318, 207 home runs, and 2,304 hits. Puckett was a feared batter, as he would more often than not, smack the hell out of the ball.

Mike Schmidt - Him Dick Mets
Eight words: "The Mets know you're better than they are." Not only did Hall of Famer Iron Mike help the Phillies antagonize the Mets during his stellar 18 years with the franchise, he slammed them in an email to the Phillies last September prior to a three game series against New York. After retiring in 1989, he worked for the Phillies from 2002 - 2004 as a hitting coach during spring training. In 2006, he authored "Clearing the Bases: Juiced Players, Shrinking Ballparks, Sham Records, and a Hall of Famer's Search for the Soul of Baseball." Today he is the Third Base Coach for Team USA in the World Baseball Classic.

Rickey Henderson - Shiny Keen Record
Breaking records left and right was Henderson's strong suit. The man stole more bases than Madoff stole money. In his 25-year career, Henderson stole a record 1,406 bases earning him the nickname "The Man of Steal," and an induction into the Hall of Fame. He also earned a Golden Glove, and was an incredibly solid batter hitting 297 home runs in his career and 2295 runs.

Andre Dawson - Soar and Wend
Ranked 22nd in all time homers and 23rd in RBI's, Dawson was a star for the Expos and Cubs. Currently, there is a debate as to whether or not he should be included in the Hall of Fame. Dawson is a member of the elite 300/300 club (with a career total of 438 home runs and 314 stolen bases). Dawson was such a feared batter, that it was not uncommon for pitchers to walk him. In one 16 inning game in 1990, Dawson was walked 5 times, and this was as his strength began to wane.

Dave Winfield - Divine, Flawed
Winfield had an impressive 22 year career with 3,110 hits, 465 home runs, and 1,833 RBI. After moving to the Yankees, Winfield had several run-ins with Steinbrenner, who would often refer to him as "Mr. May" since he was unable to fill the position left by Reggie Jackson. Winfield was criticized for never having lead the Yankees to a World Series, and losing favor among the fans, but he still earned impressive batting stats during his tenure there. Winfield saw his fortune turn with the Blue Jays, where he did lead them to a World Series title over the Braves in 1992. He was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 2001, his first year of eligibility.

System of a Down - Old School Hollywood

***Sometimes, when putting together anagrams, there are some that are off the wall and have nothing to do with the player being studied. With this particular post, there were three gems that could not be passed up due to hilarious imagery and word play, rather than saying something about the player.
Pete Rose - Pee Store
Kirby Puckett - Key Butt Prick
Rickey Henderson - Serene Horny Dick


GM-Carson said...

An anagram that rips the Mets in regards to it!!! Man, I hate the Mets.

I wish there was a modern day Cal Ripken to help pull baseball out of this steroid scandal. Guess we have to hope for the Dustin Pedroia's and Ryan Braun's of baseball to stay highly productive and more importantly clean.

GM-Carson said...

By the way, I'm a huge SOAD fan, thanks for the video to pump me up for the work day.

Andre Dawson may be a future Hardball Heroes inductee.

Burton said...

Dawson was definately a solid player, unfortunately, in the eyes of the media and commentators he was often compared to Dale Murphy and, on his own team, Gary Carter.

Ripken's consecutive game streak helped pull fans out of the 1994 strike funk, for sure. The fans need to support the Pedroia's out there and so does the media. Get the 'clean' guys out there and promote them instead of mentioning (even villifying) the A-Rods, McGwires, and Bonds of the sport. Ignore them, scrape 'em off the record books. Frickin' Bonds is going to be a Hall of Famer.

GM-Carson said...

I believe the Hall if for the elite, so I'm actually in favor of kicking many players out. Dawson was damn good, but not good enough by my standards. But being a Hardball Hero he was for sure.

tamtam said...

i kinda remember cal ripken jr. you don't find too many people like him anymore

Burton said...

Kinda remember? Jesus, I'm old.

Pip said...

These are great! I can;t wait to see what a gold mine the winter olympics will be for you.

GM-Carson said...

How the hell can you only "kinda remember Cal Ripken Jr.". Are you still an embryo?

Burton said...

No kidding! I graduated from college the same year Ripken retired.

tamtam said...

you guys are idiots. i didnt really follow baseball much when i was little which was when cal ripken, jr was playing!! i only vaguely remember his name!

when i hit my teenage years, thats when i actually started giving a crap about baseball! by then, cal ripken jr had long since retired. got it?!