Thursday, February 05, 2009

Man Games Roar! (More Anagrams!)

Sure anagrams might be funny, as when you take a name and get some nonsensical statement; take 'Burton' for example, you get "not rub" - that's hysterical, but it doesn't make sense. When properly used, anagrams often reveal deeper characteristics of the word or phrase being scrutinized. Using this technique will uncover information about the people and teams who play baseball.

Houston Astros = O Has Tons o' Ruts
Since their 1962 debut as the Colt .45's, the Astros have consistently fielded a team that has remained in the top ten of their division (for the last 16 years, they have been in the top 5). They are a solid franchise. However, they tend to sabotage themselves which leads to many late-season failures. From 1997 - 2001 (excepting 2000) they finished 1st, but lost the NLDS 4 out of 4 times. In 2004, they won the division, but lost the NL Championship. 2005 saw them finally take the championship, but loose the title to the White Sox. Since then , they have finished 2nd, 4th and 3rd. They just can't seem to close a season.

Daisuke Matsuzaka = Stud; A USA Kamikaze
Let me explain the stud part first; look at his wife. As for the rest, Matsuzaka is definitely blessed with the "divine wind." This Japanese mega-star led the 2007 Rookie class in wins, innings, and strikeouts. This year he finished with 18 wins and 3 losses. His career is just beginning, and he has already established himself as one of baseball's leading pitchers.

Timothy "Tim" Lincecum = I'm one mythic cult
In his first year, he tied for 5th in the National League for strikeouts, and went 7-5 with a 4.0 ERA, 150 strikeouts and .226 avg. against (122-for-539) over 24 starts. His status as top Giants hurler has only increased, as has his fan base. The Giant's starter also goes by the nicknames "The Freak," and "The Franchise."

William "Billy" Wagner = Ill arm? Win wage!
Billy Wagner is officially out for the 2009 season due to a tear in his medial collateral ligament (say that five times fast) and his flexor pronator (in English, he screwed up his left arm and elbow). However, despite his surgery, and the fact that he himself proclaimed that he has "played his last season as a Met," this lucky bastard will still receive his promised $10.5 million for the upcoming season. Poor baby. Poor Mets. That money could go to one of those roving free agents still looking for a home. Alas, it will go to Wagner and his busted left arm.

Dwight Gooden = Who got dinged?
Since we're on the topic of down-and-out Mets, lets look at one who had everything and blew it all away (or snorted it up his nose). 'Doc' Gooden's Phd must have been in pharmaceuticals with multiple busts for cocaine and alcohol abuse. Once one of the most respected pitchers in the National League, now he has damaged his career to the point where even the prisons won't keep him. So who got dinged? Answer: Gooden's career. Idiot did it to himself. If he keeps up his cocaine use, he'll easily become a coded goon (Doc Gooden).

Joe Torre = Root/Jeer
Since the release of his controversial book, The Yankee Years, Torre has either been lauded or loathed. Love him or hate him, either way you know Torre's record, and now you know what went on behind the scenes of one of America's favorite franchises. Will the Yankees ever be able to recover from this tiny chink in their guilded armor? I think they'll survive. As for Torre, I'm rooting for him. I think he'll be okay too.

Enjoy this song from an angst-ridden band wondering what is in a name...

Goo Goo Dolls- Name


GM-Carson said...

I hate that rat bastard Billy Wagner.

Burton said...

I wish I could not work for a year and get $10.5 million for doing absolutely nothing.

GM-Carson said...

I get paid 40K+ for doing absolutely nothing...hahahaha.

Burton said...

Lucky, I only get $32K for doing absolutely nothing.

Reverend Paul Revere said...

I have never enjoyed a song by the Goo Goo Dolls … and I never will.

GM-Carson said...

Rev- I'm with you. Every time those no-talent ass-clowns come on the radio I curse "F*ck no!" and quickly change the channel.

Reverend Paul Revere said...

What's this radio you speak of?

GM-Carson said...

I listen to XM, and they play that Goo shit on the alternative station...f'n crock!

M.C. O'Connor said...

I love the Tim Lincecum anagram. I was just thinking today that he has that perfect kind of star power to inspire a cult. Good stuff!

GM-Carson said...

Burton needs to make a comeback on More Hardball.