Friday, February 06, 2009

Hardball Heroes: Bert Blyleven

Hardball Heroes is More Hardball's version of the Hall of Fame. It's an honor that can be bestowed upon memorable players from baseball's past that never quite made it to the elite status of Hall-of-Famer. To be enshrined in this exclusive class of players, one must have made an impression on us with their play on and off the field. So, without further ado, I bring to you More Hardball's first Hardball Heroes honoree...

Bert Blyleven should be in the Hall of Fame. Yet, he awaits his name to be etched on a plaque in Cooperstown, despite winning 287 games, striking out 3701 batters over 4970 innings, tossing 242 complete games, and posting a shiny 3.31 era and 1.20 whip. This humble man from the Netherlands pitched 22 seasons in the majors (1970-1992) with the Twins, Pirates, Angels, Rangers, and Indians.

Well, if MLB won't acknowledge Blyleven's awesomeness, then dammit More Hardball will. Not only was Bert one helluva pitcher, he also loves to fart (as evident by the t-shirt he's rocking in this picture to the right). In fact he even went on record during an interview and swore his allegiance to the flatulence fraternity. I too enjoy cutting the cheese, passing wind, letting one rip, splashing on the colon cologne, listening to guano-talk, butt honking, messing with methane, letting out one-cheek sneaks, engaging in anal air attack, blowing smoke rings, showing off my talking pants, spot welding, hearing the poo-poo train toot-toot, crop dusting, peeling the paint off the wall, dropping bombs, planting a SBD, blasting off, laying an egg, or simply being gassy. So, Bert Blyleven, we salute you.


Burton said...

Oh nothing like a good fart joke to enliven the morning grind!

Excellent post!

GM-Carson said...

Farts are funny, and anybody that disputes that is humorless.

Burton said...

Hell, farts have the approval of Benjamin Franklin! He wrote an essay entitled "Fart Proudly" around 1781. It opens with this memorable sentence:

"All the conversation here at present turns upon the Balloons filled with light inflammable Air....Inflammable Air puts me in mind of a little jocular paper I wrote some years since in ridicule of a prize Question given out on this side of the Water, and I enclose it for your Amusement."

Bert is in good company.


People hate Blyleven because he's Dutch. It's shameless racism.

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