Sunday, January 25, 2009

Signs of the Times

Poor JC Romero and Sergio Mitre bought over-the-counter drugs at a GNC, but are now facing the harsh penalty of 50 game suspensions. Romero also gets the hefty fine of $1.25M...chump change right? If my employer piss tested me and I failed it would be due to excessive amounts of malted hops in my system, as I don't trust a cotton-picking thing GNC sells...vitamins my ass, I'll stick to beer!

Ryan Howard is demanding $18,000,000.00 as his 2009 salary. As Burton so eloquently depicted earlier this week, $18 million is a buttload of money. Personally I do not feel he deserves to be paid that much, but what the hell do I know, I'm just a lowly scumbag blogger. Aside from the obvious mathematical difference of $4M, what's really the difference between the Phils offer of $14M and Howard's bogarting of $18M? A few extra Lamborghinis...c'mon, green jacket, gold jacket, who gives a shit?!

If I were a GM (wait, I am, aren't I?...shit, I'm confused now...anyway) I would be able to construct one kick-ass roster out of the scraps still left on the free agent heap. Manny Ramirez, Orlando Cabrera, Jon Garland, Adam Dunn, Jason Veritek, Oliver Perez, the list goes on an on. With spring training only about 3 weeks away, I wonder what some of these dudes backup plan is? They've all already pocketed millions, so maybe they go to Acapulco and sip some Coronas with lime and wait for their agent to vibrate their cell phone with "Good news! We tricked a team into paying you an outrageous amount of money." Dammit, I'm just bitter and jealous.

The man with Popeye the Sailor Man forearms, Mark McGwire, has been fingered (eww...gross!) by his brother as a steroids user and performance enhancing drug junkie. His moniker was Big Mac, and sometimes he'd launch bombs into the designated section at Busch Stadium winning Cardinal fans that sat there Big Macs from McDonald's. McDonald's is currently running a Big Mac promotion, where you can buy the double-stacked patty with a sesame seed bun and special sauce for $2, but the allegations hovering over Big Mac McGwire are keeping sales has nothing to do with the economy or anything.

Big Mac Rap


GM-Carson said...

I am so craving a Big Mac right now.

sarah-bug said...

" has nothing to do with the economy or anything."

Or the fact that Whopper is 150 million times better. (Can I say that?)

Poor Mark. :(

Burton said...

Great! Now I have to change my pants because I just doused my drawers laughing so hard!

chetthejet said...

Was wondering why my kids went from interest in hip-hop to UFC since we've been hitting the drive-thru.

GM-Carson said...

The Whopper may be flame broiled but it ain't got the special sauce (aka Thousand Islands dressing) so it ain't got shit on the Big Mac yo!