Friday, January 30, 2009

Major League Expansion, Part 1

Currently, only 18 of 50 states are represented in Major League Baseball. This leaves potential for at least 32 other teams, should the sport ever decide to expand (38 if our territories were included). But what would these teams be called? Today, we will examine potential teams from the New England and Middle Atlantic regions.

New England
Maine - Maine Crack Backs
Mascot: A giant lobster
Location of Field: Portland
Uniforms: Red Jersey, Red Pants with Black Pin Stripes, Red Cap

Vermont - Burlington Tree Tappers
Mascot - Giant Syrup Bottle
Location of Field: Burlington
Uniforms: White Pants with Brown Stripe, White Jersey, Red Cap

New Hampshire -New Hampshire Lumber Jacks
Mascot: Big Friggin' Lumberjack
Location of Field: Manchester
Uniforms: Blue Overalls, Red Flannel Jerseys, Red Toboggans

Connecticut - Hartford W.A.S.P.s
(White Anglo-Saxon Protestants)
Mascot: Man in Polo Shirt, Sweater Vest, Ribbon Belt, Khaki Pants, Loafers
Uniforms: Polo Shirt, Sweater Vest, Ribbon Belt, Khaki Pants, Loafers (Home) Boat Shoes (Away) - Colors Will Vary Per Game
Location of Field: Hartford, in a gated community
Team Services: Valet, Jet, Yacht Club, Heliport

Rhode Island - Rhode Island Red Cocks
Mascot: A Giant Chicken
Uniform: Red Jersey with Feather pattern, Two-tone pants - Tan on top, yellow on bottom, Red Cap (or Comb)
Location of Field: Providence

Middle Atlantic
New Jersey - New Jersey Warning
Mascot: Man in HazMat suit
Uniform: Catcher will wear a gas mask; Gray Jersey, Gray Pants, black pin stripes.
Location of Field: Newark
The future of baseball indeed looks bright, provided the opportunity is seized in a timely fashion. The game I can't wait to see are the Lumberjacks versus the W.A.S.P.s!!
Animaniacs - States and their Capitals


Mel said...

I look forward to seeing the NJ Warning versus the Hartford W.A.S.P.S. Now that will be a beat down!

GM-Carson said...

Oh, Dirty Jersey! They get such a bad rap, and for what...a little toxic waste...c'mon.

I'm buying a Vermont Tree Tappers jersey, they're sweet. Hahahahaha, get it, maple syrup is sweet. I'm so funny!

Deaner said...

I'm looking forward to my native state of West Virginia... please be civil... give us a coal miner... not a moonshine drinking "hillbilly"

Burton said...

Nah, I was saving the hillbillies for my stomping ground.

GM-Carson said...

West Virginia, home of Charles Fuqua Manuel.

Deaner said...

Darn tootin'... Manual was born deep in the heart of the WV coalfieds in the little town of Northfork... very near where I grew up.

Deaner said...

I meant "Manuel"... must be the shine talkin'

GM-Carson said...

I've been deep in the heart of West Virginia on a missions trip when I was in college helping repair poverty stricken families' homes. I like your guys' speed limits...70 mph...fuck yeah!

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