Monday, January 26, 2009

An Arm Sag (Anagrams)

Anagrams have been used for centuries by cultures all over the world as a method of divining hidden truths in words (examples: dormitory = dirty room; the eyes = they see; desperation = A Rope Ends It). Here we will apply this ancient technique to some big names in baseball.

New York Mets = Worst Key Men
Does this need elaboration? Look at the Mets starters over the last few years...sure they're good, but they tend to be choke artists...Sorry boys.
C C Sabathia = A Bitch, A Sac

Yes, he's hot shit right now, yes he's the 2007 winner of the Cy Young Award, and yes, he's worth many millions, but neither the Indians nor the Brewers could effectively clinch a season with this pile on the mound. Also, using his entire name , you can tell that he isn't all he is cracked up to be...Carsten Charles Sabathia = I see brash charlatan scat.

Albert Pujols = Label: Just Pro
What dirt can possibly be found on this guy? He's a great baseball player, he dedicates time and money to helping impoverished families in the Dominican Republic (his native country), and he founded the Pujols Family Foundation to care for children and families with Downs' Syndrome. A true all-star player and human being. A pro, in every sense of the word.
Ed Wade = We Dead
Let's see. As Phillies GM, he brought the team some of their best players, but he never seemed to finish the job. So the Phillies fired him in 2005, and saw their stats begin to rise almost immediately. In 2007, Wade was named new GM of the Astros, and the team that nearly saw success suddenly received the Wade kiss of death.

Dustin Pedroia = I audited porns; Proud dainties; Did a Urine Spot
There are too many possibilities with this one, and each one seemed to be a window into the boy's soul. Who doesn't view the occasional porn? Plus the guy is a pretty boy and a much praised ball player (a proud dainty). And being the responsible blogger/journalist I am, I could not let the last anagram pass. It seems especially poignant in the atmosphere of today's professional baseball, for if he tests positive when he makes his urine deposit, he may find himself to be just another unpaid steroid (another anagram).

Eminem- My Name Is


FatGirl said...

Anagrams are awesome!

Burton said...

Ye shy eater! (yes the are)

GM-Carson said...

Anagrams are so much fun. This should become a weekly feature.

Pitchers Hit Eighth said...

The Mets do, indeed, suck.

GM-Carson said...

I love it when people talk trash on the Mets...warms my heart.

Burton said...

Woo HOO! We have another true Mets Fan!!!

chilipepper743 said...

What can you get out of Eminem??

Mine me? Strangely appropriate...weird.

Great post, big bro!