Saturday, February 16, 2008

Evidence Against Clemens

We've all heard at nausea about the Congressional hearings between Roger Clemens and Brian McNamee concerning the Rocket's alleged use of performance enhancing drugs. I'm not even going to wax poetic about this pretending to understand the extent of allegations and implications. Rather, I'm going to submit rock solid evidence that proves that Roger Clemens indeed did juice (refer to pictures below). As you can clearly see, Mr. Clemens has a strong resemblance to the blonde character on the Contra game cover. This is by no coincidence, as the game's maker Konami admits to having Roger being the model for the classic Nintendo game. This shows he began "supplementing" back in the 80's (1987 release date for Contra). I should have been a prosecutor, as that's pretty damning proof right there.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

My Team Can Beat Yours

Spring training officially begins tomorrow, albeit only pitchers and catchers reporting. Even with teams gearing up for the regular season there are still plenty of options on the free agent market for teams looking to fill a void, create competition, or build depth. I decided to give some of these lonesome hobos a job and assemble my own ensemble. That's right, I'm starting an expansion franchise named the Salt Lake Serpents (ironic?). My infield is a bit weak, but my outfield has a good mix of speed and pop. In the rotation I've got some innings eaters, and in the bullpen I've got many has-beens. Some are old and brittle, many are long past primes, but they're just the type of crusty veterans I'm looking for...did I mention my payroll is only $35 million?

Salt Lake Serpents 25-man roster:
Starting Lineup:
RF- Kenny Lofton
LF- Shannon Stewart
1B- Shawn Green (also backup outfielder)
DH- Sammy Sosa (also backup outfielder)
C- Mike Piazza
CF- Corey Patterson
3B- Tony Graffinino
SS- Royce Clayton
2B- Jerry Hairston Jr.

Greg Norton (corner infield and outfield), Neifi Perez (infield), Damian Miller (catcher), and Russel Branyan (corner outfield and infield)

Kyle Lohse, Josh Fogg, Jeff Weaver, Bartolo Colon, and Odalis Perez (lefty influence)

Bob Wickman as closer, Armando Benitez, Shawn Chacon, Antonio Alfonseca, swingman Byung-Hyun Kim, and lefties Ron Villone and Mike Myers

Think I can challenge the Orioles or Pirates?

Candy Cummings

Being a fanatical baseball fan, I have no idea how I have never heard of Candy Cummings (that's not exactly an easily forgotten name like Joe Smith). Born William Arthur Cummings, Candy claims to have been the first person to ever pitch a curveball in a game back in 1867, and for this he's in the Hall of Fame. Candy, or Mr. Cummings, pitched for such noteworthy teams as the New York Mutuals, Baltimore Canaries, Philadelphia White Stockings, Hartford Dark Blues, and the Cincinnati Red Stockings. Those were some great team names back in the day, weren't they? Career stats: 145 wins, 241 starts and 231 complete games (rubber arm?), 2.49 era, and 1.22 whip. My favorite stat, Candy pitched 2149.7 innings while only striking out 130 batters...were they batting with telephone poles? Candy Cum (is that appropriate?) even played some outfield when he wasn't pitching and was a decent batter with a career .212 average and 227 hits. I think it's time we pay our respects to the late William Arthur "Candy" Cummings for what he's done for the game of baseball and what's he's done for amusing names of the world...Thanks!

Friday, February 08, 2008

Rodney Craig

Who in the hell is Rodney Craig? I know fitness/diet guru Jenny Craig, I remember the great Giants manager Roger Craig, but I've never heard of Rodney Craig. So why am I posting about him then? I stumbled upon these two lovely relics when searching Google images. I decided to check him out on Baseball-Reference and found out these were legit minor league baseball cards of Rod back in the day. He actually made it to the majors and spent 4 seasons with the Mariners, Indians, and White Sox, but never really amounted to much. On the bottom card dude looks stoned, I wonder if that had anything to do with his failed big league career.


Tuesday, February 05, 2008

BJ Weed

It's a shame this man never made in to the bigs with the fabulous name of BJ Weed. Seriously, that is one of the best names of all-time! BJ, or Mr. Weed if you're being formal, only got as "high" as Class A+ in the Angels system. From what I can tell, he got the bat "head" around well and "blazed" on the base paths.