Cry me a river

Today's athletes are a bunch of pantie-wastes! There are some tough guys still in the sport (J.D. Drew, Ken Griffey Jr., Mark Prior, and Kerry Wood...just joking), but for the most part MLB players as a collective group are whiny bitches. A blister, a stubbed toe, an ingrown hair, split ends, jock itch, sneezing fits, hemorrhoids, and the list of wussy excuses for missing practice and more importantly games goes on and on. I understand each player is an investment and in order to produce they need to be healthy. But c'mon, starters used to pitch 300 innings a year, now if you squeeze 25 starts and 180 innings out of a guy he's considered reliable. A severed head is a real injury and that still wouldn't have kept Cal Ripken out of the ball game.

~Carson

Cover those things!

Kirby, you were a great player and left the game far too early. In 12 seasons you amassed 2,304 hits to go along with a sparkling .318 batting average. If that eye injury would have never happened, you could have went on to be one of the all-time hits leaders...but alas R.I.P. You were short and stocky, 5'8" 210 pounds. Therefore, you had a set of man boobs. There's nothing wrong with having some man boobies, but please cover those things up. I myself have a set, but I don't go around showing them off.



~Carson

Before and After

Before-










After-

Look at what steroids can do. And I thought Frank Perdue said he didn't inject his chickens with steriods...lying chicken-necked bastard!

~Carson

Gaiety

I really hate the Yankees, and it has nothing to do with the fact that they're all gay, because as Seinfeld would say "not that there's anything wrong with that". I hate the Yankees because I can and it feels so good. I hate the Yankees because of Joe Torre. I hate the Yankees because of George Steinbrenner. I hate the Yankees because of 1,283 World Series rings (ok, maybe not quite that many, but you get the drift).

I've done extensive research and come to the conclusion that once you pull on the black and white pinstripes of the Evil Empire your hetero days are over. A-Rod used to be every woman's fantasy, now he only gets action in gay bars. Jeter has always been a back-door lover. Wade Boggs cheated on his wife for a 3rd time with a man. Even Randy Johnson went gay for 2 seasons in New York...that's a huge bitch!

Another reason I hate the Yankees is their fans. Speaking of fans, look, even they're gay too. I know I may be coming off as a homo-phobe, but that's not the case at all. I just want the world to be properly informed about the ways of the Yanks. Don't be mad at me, I'm only presenting evidence here.


~Carson

Fear

My wife is a baseball fan. She is not a Phillies fan like myself, rather she roots for the dreaded Braves. I know, hard to believe I didn't ask for an annulment. However, I feel lucky that my wife likes baseball at all, because I can't imagine what it would be like if she didn't. See, come spring training I'm listening to games on the radio, watching every game I can on tv, and have to read EVERY box score. Basically, I'm addicted to baseball and it takes over my life come time for the season. Trust me, she gets fed up with it, and I don't blame her, but she tolerates it and I love her for it!

~Carson