Dumpster Diving

February is just around the corner, which means Spring Training is almost upon us. Most teams have set rosters and little questions left to answer. However, there are still some marketable names remaining on the free agent scrap heap. I decided to comb the unemployed list and see if I could compose a 25 man roster that is worthy of beating the Royals or Devil Rays (excluding that dickbag Roger Clemens of course).

The Dumpsville Jobless Wonders:
*= starter
C- *Sandy Alomar Jr. (.278 avg .672 OPS) and Chris Widger (sucks)
1B- *Phil Nevin (also 3rd catcher, 22 hr .761 OPS) and Eduardo Perez (also can backup 3B and corner outfield, 9 hr .776 OPS)
2B- *Ronnie Belliard (.272 avg, 13 hr, .725 OPS)
SS- *Jose Vizcaino (.631 OPS...sadly, best option)
3B- *David Bell (I hate him!, .270, 10 hr, .736 OPS)
OF- *Jeromy Burnitz (16 hr .711 OPS), *Steve Finley (12 triples .714 OPS), *Bernie Williams (.281 avg, 12 hr, .768 OPS), Shannon Stewart (.293 avg .715 OPS), and Todd Hollandsworth (7 hr .704 OPS)
Utl- Eric Young (plays almost anywhere on the diamond except catcher)
SP- Steve Trachsel (15 wins 4.97 ERA), Mark Redman (Lefty, 11 wins 5.71 ERA), Chan Ho Park (7 wins 4.81 ERA), Tony Armas Jr. (9 wins 5.03 ERA), and Jason Johnson (nothing more than an innings-eater)
BP- Rick Helling (4.11 ERA 1.14 WHIP), Dustin Hermanson (can also close, 4.05 ERA 1.05 WHIP), Matt Herges (4.31 ERA 1.72 WHIP), Kent Merker (Lefty, 4.13 ERA 1.38 WHIP), Ron Villone (Lefty, 5.04 ERA 1.57 WHIP), Rick White (5.15 ERA 1.42 WHIP), and Dan Kolb (closer, 4.84 ERA 1.51 WHIP)


~Carson

Rock 'Em Sock 'Em

One of my favorite pitchers of all-time is the Express- Nolan Ryan. I have much respect for anyone who can still play and be productive well into their 40's. For example, I'd like the Rocket- Roger Clemens much more if he weren't such an arrogant, "show me the money", "I'll pitch when I say I'll pitch", "throw a bat at Piazza", dickhead! I used to love Barry Bonds until it was evident that he was a chemically enhanced superman. However, Father Times- Jesse Orosco and Julio Franco get mad props from me often. But back to Nolan...the man was a K-machine. He could punch you out with a strikeout, or as seen on this baseball card, with a headlock and right-handed jab...poor Robin Ventura. Kick his ass, Sea-Bass!

~Carson

Baseball- Not Just For Men

Baseball is a man's sport...not quite. I'd be more than happy to grant these lovely ladies a spot on my roster (if ya know what I mean). It has long been contrived that women are to play softball and leave the real skill to the men and baseball. The times are a changing my friends, as more and more girls get involved in Little League and actually "hold their own". I'm not trying to go femi-nazi or anything, but the day of a girl playing in the Little League World Series is not far away. But enough with the women's power stuff, back to some pics of hotties.



Wait, how'd this picture sneak in here?

~Carson

Steroids Suck!

Hey, Jose! That shovel ain't big enough to dig your career out of the crap-heap that is currently being coined as the "Steroid Era". Jose, you were great man, first dude to ever go 40-40, you had it all: speed, power, and Mexican. I remember you coming into to a game to pitch with Texas then blowing your arm out...classic. I remember you having a ball bounce off of your head and go over the fence for a homerun...priceless. Too bad the Hall-of-Fame won't grant you admission brotha.

Don't do it Mark. The Hall-of-Fame isn't worth it. Put down the bat and step away from the The Thrill...Will Clark deserves better. You too are falling victim to this steroids stench that's lingering over baseball. We know you popped something that made you transform into one giant muscle, but you were awesome nonetheless. You had tremendous power, hell you could still probably jack 30 homers a year. But as far as the Hall goes, well just like Pete Rose you'll be on the outside looking in for quite some time.

~Carson

Blow

There truly is an art to blowing a bubble, a big one that is. I myself have actually won two bubble blowing competitions in my life thus far...no trophies or even a f'n ribbon to show for it though. Also, I have the ability to blow triple bubbles (inside of each other), but enough about me blowing because I'm beginning to incriminate myself. Bubblegum and baseball go hand-in-hand like a stripper and a g-string, actually I guess the saying would be "ass-in-string" in that case. Anyway, Big League Chew was a favorite of mine as a kid, because I felt like a big stud out on the field manning the hot corner and blowing big pink bubbles between pitches. Big Leaguers today still chew on the sugary confection, some even pull the old bubble on hat trick to make their teammates look like a fool.

These two baseball cards show wonderboy Ken Griffey Jr. and no-talent ass-clown Jacob Cruz blowing bubbles. We all know Griffey in his prime was one of the best ever, and that's the way I choose to remember him rather than the dilapidated state he's in now. Jacob Cruz on the other hand may best be remembered from this lovely baseball card rather than his extremely subpar MLB career...you could say he blows.



~Carson