Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Dumpster Diving

February is just around the corner, which means Spring Training is almost upon us. Most teams have set rosters and little questions left to answer. However, there are still some marketable names remaining on the free agent scrap heap. I decided to comb the unemployed list and see if I could compose a 25 man roster that is worthy of beating the Royals or Devil Rays (excluding that dickbag Roger Clemens of course).

The Dumpsville Jobless Wonders:
*= starter
C- *Sandy Alomar Jr. (.278 avg .672 OPS) and Chris Widger (sucks)
1B- *Phil Nevin (also 3rd catcher, 22 hr .761 OPS) and Eduardo Perez (also can backup 3B and corner outfield, 9 hr .776 OPS)
2B- *Ronnie Belliard (.272 avg, 13 hr, .725 OPS)
SS- *Jose Vizcaino (.631 OPS...sadly, best option)
3B- *David Bell (I hate him!, .270, 10 hr, .736 OPS)
OF- *Jeromy Burnitz (16 hr .711 OPS), *Steve Finley (12 triples .714 OPS), *Bernie Williams (.281 avg, 12 hr, .768 OPS), Shannon Stewart (.293 avg .715 OPS), and Todd Hollandsworth (7 hr .704 OPS)
Utl- Eric Young (plays almost anywhere on the diamond except catcher)
SP- Steve Trachsel (15 wins 4.97 ERA), Mark Redman (Lefty, 11 wins 5.71 ERA), Chan Ho Park (7 wins 4.81 ERA), Tony Armas Jr. (9 wins 5.03 ERA), and Jason Johnson (nothing more than an innings-eater)
BP- Rick Helling (4.11 ERA 1.14 WHIP), Dustin Hermanson (can also close, 4.05 ERA 1.05 WHIP), Matt Herges (4.31 ERA 1.72 WHIP), Kent Merker (Lefty, 4.13 ERA 1.38 WHIP), Ron Villone (Lefty, 5.04 ERA 1.57 WHIP), Rick White (5.15 ERA 1.42 WHIP), and Dan Kolb (closer, 4.84 ERA 1.51 WHIP)



furiousBall said...

Yeah that's a bunch of crap in the dumpster for sure...

One time in college I woke up in a dumpster. I was wearing a scuba suit for some reason and I had concentric burn circles on the palm of my left hand from it being on the hot eye of a stove...I hope that helps.

GM-Carson said...

Furiousball- you are one of the funniest dudes I've ever "met".

In college, I ended up wearing shoes on the opposite feet, missing one contact, and having antlers taped to my head. Alcohol is fun!

GM-Carson said...

I've come to find out that my 5th starter, Jason Johnson, has been gobbled up by the Seibu Lions of Japan. Well, if they steal from me, I'll steal from them and ink lefty Bruce Chen to be my 5th starter.

I'm also thinking about bringing Esteban Yan and Benito Santiago in on minor league deals.

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BloodStripes said...

I'm with you Carson. Furiousball is a fucken riot. A constant crack up. You oughtta do stand-up Furious.

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GM-Carson said...

Those damn Pirates swooped in and gobbled up my 4th starter, Tony Armas Jr. Now what the hell am I going to do? I might just have to sign Joe Roa...ha!

GM-Carson said...

Those damn Pirates are up to it again as they're hot on the trail of my closer Dan Kolb.

The Ass-tros signed Rick "the Beard" White out from under me too.

My team already sucked, now what the hell am I going to do?

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