Sunday, December 30, 2007

Smart Man

Jesus knows the deal, what's up with the rest of you?

~Carson

Monday, December 17, 2007

Pump Me Up

Screw the Mitchell Report!



~Carson

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Douchebag

What is the purpose of this? Douchebag!!!

~Carson

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Wow!

Wow!

~Carson

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Next Cy Young

The monkey may be small, but he is mighty, much like pip-squeak Pedro Martinez. The monkey's "out pitch" is his breath-taking poop-flinger as it splats all over the batters leaving them with a crusty face.

Chewbacca is now officially the largest MLB player to ever take the field, measuring in at a whopping 8'5" and 427 pounds. His fastballs reaches 125 mph, but has little movement and his secondary pitches leave much to be desired.

Next Cy Young?
Monkey
Wookie
  
pollcode.com free polls

~Carson

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

New York-less

It's October 9th and the playoffs are already without any New York teams...oh so sad, let me shed a tear. Oops, tear ducts have run dry, so screw that, and screw NY! I am so glad that the Mets didn't even make it into the postseason, because that meant my Phils were the NL East champs; and the fashion in which they missed out with that historical slip was hilarious. Now I'm even happier because the Indians just put the Yankees to sleep until Spring Training rolls around. I know everyone seems to hate New York, but my hatred is authentic. I can't explain why, but I take joy in the Mets and Yankees misery. See ya in Florida fellas.

~Carson

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Power of 10

Garrett Anderson has always been a steady but seldom-heard-of producer for the Angels over on the West Coast for the past 14 seasons ('94-Present) with 2,164 hits, 249 homeruns, and 1,178 rbi over his career. Not too long ago he regularly posted 100+ rbi a year (2000-2003, 96 rbi in '05), but his production has recently declined due to various injuries. However, last night against the hated Yankees he went Yahtzee and knocked in 10 runs. Yes, 10 rbi in 1 game...that's crazy!

Here's a list of MLB batters with 100+ at bats this season that Garrett out-produced in one game (at bats/rbi): Alberto Callaspo (126/5), Robert Fick (142/5), Travis Metcalf (100/6), Norris Hopper (210/6), Rajai Davis (112/6), Michael Bourn (109/6), Paul Bako (140/7), Todd Linden (136/7), Luis Rodriguez (108/7), Alexi Casilla (115/7), Chris Woodward (117/8), Rod Barajas (117/9), Cesar Izturis (249/9), Tony Gwynn (113/9), Jerry Owens (225/9), and Tony Abreu (118/9).

~Carson

Thursday, August 16, 2007

In A Pinch

I peruse the box scores for every MLB game every day (I know I'm pathetically obsessed). In doing so I often come across funny names (Buck Coats of the Cubs in '06), same names (Ryan Braun's of Brewers and Royals), or unique occurrences (Ranger's pitcher Bryan Corey and Scott Feldman pitching in the same game).

Recently I have been following the pinch-hitting heroics of Mark Sweeney, who is now in 2nd place on the all-time pinch-hits list behind Sir Lenny Harris (who has 212). Sweeney started this season with the San Francisco Giants and has since moved on to the Los Angeles Dodgers, but no matter where he goes he's always good in a pinch. His pinch-hitting line thus far this season is 54 ab, 10 r, 18 h, 6 dbl, 2 hr, 9 rbi, 10 bb, .333 avg, and an outstanding 1.002 OPS. At 37 years old, I'm sure he can probably hang around into his 40's in the NL if he can continuing posting numbers similar to those.

~Carson

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Story Time

Round up your friends and gather around the computer because it's story time, and this story has drama, intrigue, comedy, and joy...The Rick Ankiel Story. This story started before the turn of the century, back in 1999, when a 19 year old Ankiel made his MLB debut for the St. Louis Cardinals. He did well in his late season call-up posting a 3.27 era in 33 innings pitched. Ankiel's real impact came in the new millennium, when he racked up 11 wins for the Cards in his rookie season of 2000 as a 20 year old pitching sensation and helped guide them to some October baseball. His stats were suggestive of future greatness- 3.50 era in 175 ip with 194 k's...Doc Gooden even says "DAMN!". What happens next is sickening, has been the butt of many "wild thing" jokes, and talked about for years since...Rick was pitching on the big stage of the playoffs and completely lost "it". "It" being his mind, control, and dignity. In 3 post-season games he suffered through 4 innings with 11 walks, 5 hits, a 15.75 era, and numerous wild pitches. He was never the same man again, he went from the "next big thing" to "the washed-up barely-was"...it was sad to witness as a baseball fan. After his post-season debacle, he tried to comeback in 2001 and prove to the world it didn't bother him, but it obviously did, as he had a 7.13 era in only 24 innings pitched (3 hit batters and 5 wild pitches)...career looks to be over. Ankiel doesn't give up easily though, he toiled in the minors and fought back for another chance on the mound, and in 2004 he climbed the MLB hill once again for St. Louis and pitched 10 innings with mildly better results (5.40 era). However, this time Rick had enough of the pitching gig, and announced he was through with pitching and was turning his desire and goals towards becoming an outfielder. He was already becoming a joke around baseball, and now he added his own punchline...seriously how the hell is this dude going to become a MLB outfielder?! Well, in 2005, his first season in the minors focusing on hitting he managed to hit 21 homeruns and play decent defense...maybe he can do this after all. Then in 2006 Ankiel gets hurt and is forced to miss the entire season due to injury...man can't catch a break. Still not giving up, determined to persevere he comes back for the 2007 season and the Cards put him in Triple A Memphis where he went absolutely berserk with the stick- .270 avg, 31 hr, 86 rbi and now the big league call-up yet again, but this time as an outfielder. He made the successful transition! Through 3 games in August so far, he has hit 2 homeruns and is showing the world that he's a helluva athlete. Without trying to be too sappy, this is a truly inspiring story and gives you goosebumps. Thanks for showing us you could do it Rick, I hope you have a great rest of your career.

~Carson

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Same Name Syndrome

You can stop holding your breath now, More Hardball is back for all its adoring fans (assuming there are some). After a 2.5 month hiatus, we'll once again be bringing you a weekly feature of baseball hilarity and obscurity. We kick off our comeback tour with yet another case of same name syndrome...The Braun's.

Ryan Braun has taken MLB by storm, reaching 20 homeruns in less than 70 games after making his debut in late May. His stats are off the charts, especially for a rookie. Naturally, I checked his availability for my fantasy teams and was amazed to see he was still a free agent. To my dismay, the "real" Ryan Braun of Milwaukee fame was gobbled up long ago and some no-talent ass-clown by the same name that pitches for the lowly Royals was still available. Needless to say I left the latter Braun for the vultures.

The Brew Crew's Ryan J. Braun is a 23 year old stud 3rd baseman that was drafted out of Miami in 2005. He quickly hit his way through the minors and is currently assaulting MLB pitching. His career thus far is one of the most impressive beginnings ever- 65 games, .346 average, 52 runs, 92 hits, 17 doubles, 3 triples, 21 homeruns, 54 rbi, 10 stolen bases, and a 1.057 OPS. If he would have been around the entire season, we wouldn't only be discussing Rookie of the Year and MVP, but a possible Triple Crown as well.

The other, lesser known, Ryan Braun plays for Kansas City and really isn't all that good. Ryan Z. Braun made his MLB debut in 2006 for the Royals and has bounced back and forth between the minors ever since. He is a 27 year old relief pitcher that doesn't really offer much relief. In his big league career he has pitched in 22 games, logging 29.2 innings, with no wins and a 7.28 era. I'm not sure how much more we'll be hearing of this Ryan Braun for years to come.

~Carson

Friday, May 25, 2007

Mistaken Identity

Would someone please mark that McLemore. I see M. McLemore pitches a scoreless inning in relief in the boxscore of the Houston Astros game the other day and think to myself, "when the hell did Mark McLemore come back to baseball, as a pitcher no less?". Well, truth be known, there's a second coming of Mark McLemore and this one is white.

The McLemore I was thinking of is a gansta utility player that made a living playing for various teams during a span of 19 seasons. He played for the Angels, Astros, Orioles, Rangers, Mariners, and Athletics logging 1,832 games, scoring 943 runs, smacking 1,602 hits, stealing 272 bases, batting .259 with a decent .349 on base %. During his career he played every position on the diamond except for 1st base and catcher. Keep it real brotha!

The new McLemore is still a young pup, and he's a reliever that just came up from the Astros' system. He made his MLB debut on May 24th of this year. Sorry kid, but you can't compare to the original.

~Carson

Friday, May 04, 2007

Whispering Sweet Nothings

Sometimes the New York teams make it far too easy to make fun of them. Really, what the hell is Billy Wagner doing in Jose Lima's ear? Billy- "Want to see my fastballs?" Lima- "Oh yeah baby, it's Lima Time!"

~Carson

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Remember this?

Cal Ripken Jr., aka The Ironman, gets all the fame and glory, while poor younger brother Billy Ripken is remembered only by this funny baseball card. It's a good thing Billy didn't weasel his way into as many games as Cal did because his career stats are "F-Face" worthy- 12 seasons, .247 AVG, 287 R, 20 HR, 229 RBI, 25 SB, and a .612 OPS.
So here on MoreHardball we salute Billy Ripken's crowning achievement...way to go F*@k Face!

~Carson

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Who's this A-Rod fella?

I say I hate New York City and that I hate New York Yankee fans, but that's an overgeneralized statement that is more said in jest than in true hatred. However, I have no toleration for those retards that booed Alex Rodriguez last season and are now singing his praises. Yankee fans nearly ran A-Rod right out of town and directly into a mental ward with their Bronx jeers. Why boo? The man is one of the best players to ever put on a Yankees uniform or play Major League Baseball. What he is doing this season is absolutely amazing- 14 homeruns in 18 games...are you freakin' kiddin' me?! Other stats- 26 R, 30 H, 7 doubles, 34 RBI, and an astronomical 1.506 OPS. Wow, Yanks fans are right, he does suck...BOO!!!

Saturday, April 21, 2007

First Round Blues

When playing fantasy baseball, your 1st round pick is always the most exciting. In my two leagues this year, I had the 1st overall pick and the 4th respectively. With the 1st overall pick I went with the no-brainer and chose the consistently awesome Albert Pujols. With my other team's 1st round pick I decided to go for speed and power and took Alfonso Soriano. My combined production from these crap-coops: 24 hits in 110 at bats, 8 doubles, 4 homeruns, 14 runs, 10 RBI, and 1 stolen base...ouch! I should have picked A-Rod instead, as he's out-producing most teams, let alone players (12 HR and 30 RBI). Or I could have went with sleeper picks Josh Hamilton (Rule 5 pick with 5 bombs) and Ian Kinsler (7 jacks) and still managed to out-do Soriano and Pujols...oh, I'm so smart.

~Carson

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Now that's a pitcher!



Roy Halladay pitched 10 innings for the Toronto Blue Jays last night, as they beat the Detroit Tigers 2-1. Complete games are rare enough in today's game, let alone a guy pitching extra frames. Most overpriced starting pitchers go 6 innings and think they've done their job. Halladay is a stud, a beast, an old school kind of guy and wants to finish what he started...and I love that! It's probably not long before rotations go to 6 men because these modern day pussies, oops I mean pitchers, can't take the workload and organizations caudal them. As recently as the 1980's, teams were still using the 4-man rotation, with guys going 300 innings a season. The evolution of the game isn't always a positive thing in my opinion.

~Carson

Sunday, April 08, 2007

He eats cat?

Like Rusty Kuntz, sometimes everything is in a name, hence Jon Coutlangus. Coutlangus is a left-handed rookie relief pitcher that was originally drafted as an outfielder for the Cincinnati Reds this season.

Scouting report- he does well in sticky situations, seems to thrive when the game conditions are wet/moist, and has a future as a closer because he "penetrates through the middle of the opposition", however umpires have suspected him of using a spitball. In case you can't pick out the punchline... Coutlangus=cunnilingus.

~Carson

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Predictions

I've recently entered the business of fortune telling, and one of my first ventures is giving predictions for sporting events. Because I am trying to promote this money-making scheme, I will be enticing people with free predictions for the MLB season. Check back in October to see how well I've done.

AL East:
1. New York Yankees- I loathe them, but their offense is by far the best in the Majors.
2. Boston Red Sox- good lineup, solid rotation, just not enough to overtake their rival NYY.
3. Toronto Blue Jays- an improved squad, that would probably win any other division in the AL.
4. Baltimore Orioles- improved bullpen, and offense may surprise, but they can't keep up with the big dogs of the AL East.
5. Tampa Bay Devil Rays- Tampa Bay has a baseball team?

AL Central:
1. Detroit Tigers- this club has a nice balance of young and old. Losing Kenny Rogers hurts, but the addition of Sheffield helps.
2. Cleveland Indians- their offense is awesome, their rotation is solid, their bullpen remains shaky.
3. Minnesota Twins- cream-of-the-crop bullpen, but besides Johan Santana the rotation is questionable, and the offense is good, but not that good.
4. Chicago White Sox- I look for a fall from grace this season and their rotation studs prove to be duds (Contreras, Buehrle, Garland, and Vazquez), and they trade Jermaine Dye by the end of July.
5. Kansas City Royals- this team is honestly heading in the right direction, but it's sadly in the most competitive division in all of MLB. They have promising young talent, mostly positional players.

AL West:
1. Oakland Athletics- all-around solid team in a weak division, and it's never smart to doubt the genius of Billy Beane.
2. Los Angeles/Anaheim/California Angels- the best bullpen in baseball, decent offense, and a possibly solid rotation that is currently band-aided together due to injuries.
3. Seattle Mairiners- Jose Vidro as your DH spells disaster.
4. Texas Rangers- I look for their pitching staff to be beat up all season long. Even Sammy Sosa can't save them.

NL East:
1. Philadelphia Phillies- this is their year, I have no real rational for this, just go with it.
2. New York Mets- their offense is nice, but their pitching staff is in shambles.
3. Atlanta Braves- it's always scary to underestimate the Braves, but I just don't foresee them doing enough with their offense to get it done.
4. Florida Marlins- great story with a bunch of rookies last year, but that means there's an awful lot of opportunity for sophomore slumps.
5. Washington Nationals- it wouldn't matter if they were the Montreal Expos or playing in Puerto Rico with this crap-heap of a roster.

NL Central:
1. Milwaukee Brewers- welcome to the crappiest division in baseball. It's really a toss-up as to who will be lucky enough to win it. The Brew Crew seems like the best team with a good offense and a quality rotation.
2. Chicago Cubs- tried to buy the NL Central, but will ultimately fall short.
3. Houston Astros- question marks in the rotation and that offense somehow manages not to score a ton of runs despite playing in a bandbox.
4. St. Louis Cardinals- another fall from grace story line here. Their rotation is a total mess, their offense besides Rolen and Pujols is very average.
5. Pittsburgh Pirates- could catapult higher in the division if X. Nady and LaRoche prove to be an offensive jolt and that rotation continues to mature.
6. Cincinnati Reds- someone needs to finish in last.

NL West:
1. San Diego Padres- they don't have a powerful offense, but it will supply enough runs for their terrific pitching staff.
2. Los Angeles Dodgers- nice starting rotation accompanied with a suitable offense. They would finish first if not for signing Mike Lieberthal.
3. San Francisco Giants- old, older, and oldest. Seriously, this club is way too brittle.
4. Arizona Diamondbacks- this depends a lot on which Randy Johnson shows up and whether or not if some youngins can live up to expectations.
5. Colorado Rockies- believe it or not their pitching isn't as bad as many think it is and their offense will always produce...but after all they are the Rockies.

AL Wildcard- BoSox
NL Wildcard- LAD
AL Pennant- A's
NL Pennant- Phils
World Series Champions- Phightins

~Carson

Friday, March 23, 2007

Rock the Vote!

Manager-1. a person who has control or direction of an institution, business, etc., or of a part, division, or phase of it. 2. a person who manages: the manager of our track team. 3. a person who controls and manipulates resources and expenditures, as of a household. (As per Dictionary.com)

No where in that definition do I read mention of being a dumbass. But a dumbass is exactly what some managers are. Take a glance at the list of low-level functioning r-tards that I've compiled for you to vote on for most deserving dumbass. Rock the Vote!

Who Wants to be a Dumbass?:

Charles Fuqua Manuel- as a Phillies fan I have firsthand opportunity to observe the ineptitude of this man on a game by game basis, and it isnt' pretty. He is a retarded bumbling hick from West Virginia and should go back to his cousin-lovin' and wood splitting before he ruins the Phillies chances of yet another playoff appearance. His bullpen mismanagement has been well documented and his speech impediment caused by being severely stupid has been made fun of more than a three-legged dog.

_________________________________

Tony LaRussa- D.U.I., and no this does not stand for Devout Upstanding Individual, more like Dumbass Under the Influence. Seriously, I'm all for drinking and getting smashed, but don't drive afterwards you freaking moron! Dude fell asleep at a stop sign with the car running and reeked of alcohol when the cops "pulled" him over. You are a World Series winning coach, get a clue!

_________________________________

Ozzie Guillen- he orders his pitchers to bean the opposition then publicly belittles them when they fail to do so, he trashes on fellow players of Latino heritage, he completely blasts has-beens at Reunion gatherings, and says something equally idiotic every day. Someone get this man a muzzle. Oh yeah, as evidence of this picture he's apparently a member of the rainbow brigade as well.


Which manager is the biggest dumbass?
Charlie Manuel
Tony LaRussa
Ozzie Guillen
  
pollcode.com free polls


~Carson

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Where the hell is Spring?!

That ass-hat of a groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, supposedly was brave back on February 2nd and didn't see his shadow meaning no more winter. Three snow storms later, I'm beginning to think that groundhog is fricken hoax and a fraud. On Tuesday and Wednesday it was 70 degrees here in Central PA, and I was thinking shorts. My daffodils were beginning to bloom in the garden and those damn annoying birds were starting to chirp. Then all of a sudden yesterday we got dumped on with 8+ inches of snow...Where the hell is Spring?!

Spring Training started nearly a month ago. I've been gearing up for the season by watching some baseball movies like Sandlot, For Love of the Game, Summer Catch, and Major League, plus I have more on the docket to view before opening day. In 2 weeks the MLB season starts. Rita's is giving away free Italian ice on the Wednesday to celebrate the first day of Spring. Yet, I look at my back yard and it's covered in white...Where the hell is Spring?!



~Carson

Friday, March 09, 2007

Watch Your Back!

By now you have heard, unless you live in your Grandma's basement, that Gary Matthews Jr. has been linked to a notorious steroid ring. He had packages of HGH shipped to his home...how freaking stupid! Gary received a huge pay-day from the Angels this offseason, 5 years 50 million, and I crowned him the poster boy for outlandish contracts. Not only is his contract now ridiculous, but it is completely undeserved as well. I know he's not the first MLB player to be connected with illegal/banned substances, and he certainly won't be the last, but nonetheless this news is discouraging. I want the game cleaned up. I'm tired of the media attention being on the MLB steroids scandal. What about the shitty NBA, or the testosterone driven NFL? Those stories get swept under the carpet, and MLB gets left with a black eye. And a black eye is exactly what the Sarge, Gary Matthews Sr., should leave on his son after he's done beating his ass!

~Carson