Saturday, October 28, 2006

Screw the Cardinals

The freakin' Cardinals just won the 2006 World Series. 83 regular season wins...that's it! A measly 83 wins and they managed to sneak into the playoffs and steal the World Series trophy. Am I jealous? I guess so. Am I disgraced? Abso-freakin-lutely! This just goes to show anything can happen in the playoffs. The shitty Royals could have won this World Series if given the chance. Yet, my Phillies sat at home in October with 85 wins...what the hell?!

To further my anger, is the fact that Scott Rolen will be wearing a World Series ring from now on. I want to dropkick that son-of-a-bitch in the head! It may appear that Scotty-boy is arguing with this umpire, but in fact he's participating in foreplay which leads to rough makeup sex after the game. H-MO!!!

~Carson

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Blame Kris Kross

By the looks of things on this album cover, it would appear those gangsta teen-agers that slayed some phat rhymes back in the day are New York fans. However, in the picture below they seem to be sporting favoritism to the Marlins. So which is it my fine young lads, The Evil Empire or the Miami No-Fans?

"Don't try to compare us to another bad little fad. I'm the Mac and I'm bad. Give you something that you never had. I'll make ya Jump Jump' wiggle and shake your rump. Cause I'll be kicking the flavor that makes you wanna Jump. How high? Real high. Cause I'm just so fly. A young loveable, hugable type of guy. And everything is the back with a little slack. And inside-out is wiggida wiggida wack. I come stompin' with somethin' to keep you jumpin'. R&B rap bullcrap is what I'm dumpin'. And ain't something about Kris Kross we all that. So when they ask to the rocks they believe that. Jump Jump. The Mac Dad will make you Jump Jump. The Daddy Mac will make you Jump Jump. Kris Kross will make you Jump Jump. uh huh uh huh."

I guess Mariano Rivera can now blame Kris-Kross for his (the Yankees) loss to the Diamondbacks via a bloop Luis Gonzalez hit back in '03.

~Carson

Friday, October 13, 2006

How I Really Feel

It is my God given right as a baseball fan to absolutely despise the New York Yankees. And believe me, I exercise that right. Simply put, once a player is acquired by the Yankees I hate them. Used to like Damon, now I hate him. Used to like Sheffield, now I hate him. Randy Johnson, Bobby Abreu, Steve Sax, Chuck Knoblauch, Steve "Cocaine" Howe...hate, hate, hate, hate, and HATE!
Why do I hold so much contempt for the Yankees in my calloused heart? They are disgusting! Steinbrenner goes out and seems to get whatever he wants, and when he doesn't get the desired results he publicly sulks...grow up pussy! Or he threatens to fire a manager that has been nothing but supportive of the organization and put up with all the crap that goes along with being in the New York lime-light.
Another reason I hate the Yankees- they're metrosexual, or as I like to put it...gay. Nothing wrong with being a boy-butt-bumper, but don't put on a huge charade as a straight man, when we all know damn well you like it in the pooper Jeter! Really, look at the picture and tell me they don't enjoy a little "bat" in the "2-hole"? The reason A-Rod isn't a fan favorite, is because he's not a big enough flamer compared to the eternal torches of Giambi, Jeter, and Rivera...all H-Mo's!
I hate their loud mouth fans with their annoying New York accents. I hate the media constantly knob-jobbing every thing they do. I hate unknowledgeable people assuming that if a player is a Yankee then they must be the 2nd coming of Babe Ruth or Cy Young. I just hate them, and I'm allowed to, so let me go on doing so, that way everything seems right in the world to me.
~Carson

P.S. If you really were offended by my joking comments, rather than entertained...than

Friday, October 06, 2006

Under the Radar

The typical baseball fan knows that Ryan Howard went ballistic with the stick this season. The typical baseball fan knows Albert Pujols rules the Continental US, Puerto Rico, Greenland, and the small African country of Djibouti. The typical baseball fan knows the usual suspects (Jeter, Ortiz, A-Rod, Manny, Clemens, Steve Jeltz, and others). However, the fanatical baseball fan, like myself, doesn't just scratch the surface. No, we recognize the lesser known players, the nobody's, the obscure, the ones that only their momma's know their names. These players may have only had a late season call-up, but did amazing during their playing time, and I have made a list of those players from the 2006 season. Here's my 25 man roster of faceless wonders. Think I could take this rag-tag crew to the playoffs?

C- Josh Bard, SD: .333/.926 OPS & Mike Redmond, Min .341/.778
1B- Ross Gload, ChiSox .327/.815
2B- Ryan Theriot, Cubs .328/.934 & Chris Gomez, Balt .341/.827
SS- Stephen Drew, Ari .316/.874
3B- Esteban German, KC .326/.880 & Jeff Cirillo, Mil .319/.784
OF- Luke Scott, Hou .336/1.047 & Pablo Ozuna, ChiSox .328/.809 & Matt Diaz, Atl .327/.839 & Jason Tyner, Min .312/.698 & Daryle Ward, Atl .308/.926
SP- Dave Bush, Mil 210 IP 12 W 4.41 ERA & Ian Snell, Pit 186 IP 14 W 4.74 & Chris Young, SD 179.1 IP 11 W 3.46 & Clay Hensley, SD 187 IP 11 W 3.71 & Chuck James 119 IP 11 W .378
RP- Brian Bruney, NYY .87 ERA & Matt Smith, Phi .87 & Dennys Reyes, Min .89 & Cla Meredith, SD 1.07 & Mike MacDougal, ChiSox 1.55 & Wes Littleton, Tex 1.73
CL- J.J. Putz, Sea 36 saves 2.30 ERA

*Minimum 20 innings pitched for relievers, 75 innings pitched for starters, and 100 at bats for positional players.

~Carson