Sunday, December 31, 2006

Wild Gunman

Why haven't the police apprehended this man? Jose Rijo is obviously a menace to society with those guns. Someone needs to put a stop to his mindless killing spree. He many have won Cincinnati Reds fans over in the 90's with these fire-balling antics, but today's high-class upper-crust will not permit such lavish and careless brandishing of firearms.


Saturday, December 23, 2006

Big Balls

This has to be one of the most ridiculous baseball cards I've ever seen. What in the hell is Matt Morris doing? He wins the Biggest Balls award in MLB for sure, because we all know his current teammate, Barry Bonds, has shrunken testicles.


Saturday, December 16, 2006

Just Plain Silly

Once again I have come across a gem of a baseball card. This card is of Tim Flannery holding his surfboard while with the San Diego Padres. Flannery spent his entire 11 year career with the Padres, and that silly pose for this baseball card was in fact the high-point of his career as his life-time OPS of .652 suggests...he sucked. Hang 10 dude!

What the hell was Topps thinking when they made this card? The afro is flippin' awesome, but the headline is so corny that Del Monte wouldn't touch it. Oscar was one cool brother too, as he was with the Phillies from 70-72 and went on to smack 200 dingers.


Sunday, December 10, 2006

All About the Benjamins

During the 2006 season, people talked about how lack-luster the free agent market was going to be this winter. They weren't wrong in their analysis either, as Barry Zito, Jason Schmidt, Barry Bonds, Carlos Lee, and Alfonso Soriano are/were the only marquee names out there, unless of course you count Jason Marquis. However, based on the dollar amounts being tossed around to mediocre/league average players, one would think that the market was flush with superstars...which simply isn't the case. I guess baseball economics is all about the benjamins, so I went and composed a list of outrageous contracts that some of these hiney-hoppers are being inked to.

Money Can Buy You A Whole Lotta Shit Team:

C- Henry Blanco (Cubs- 2 years/5.25 mil) he's only a backup catcher.

1B- Nomar Garciaparra (LAD- 2 years/18.5) he's only a name now.

2B- Mark DeRosa (Cubs- 3 years/13 mil) he's sucked all but one season of his career, that season happening to be '06.

SS- Alex Gonzalez (Cin- 3 years/14 mil) he cannot hit.

3B- I'm waiting for David Bell to get 3 years/30 mil.

OF- J.D. Drew (Bos- 5 years/70 mil) Beantown- welcome to your overpaid DL member. Gary Matthews Jr. (LAA- 5 years/50 mil) this is the poster boy for ridiculous contracts. Juan Pierre (LAD- 5 years/44 mil) he is a singles hitter, nothing more.

SP- Adam Eaton (Phil- 3 years/24.5 mil) he hasn't ever lived up to his potential. Gil Meche (KC- 5 years/55 mil) I guess the Royals have to pay more for being the Royals. Vincente Padilla (Tex- 3 years/33.75 mil) unless you want him for his amazing switch hitting skills, he's not worth 11 mil a season. Jason Marquis (Cubs- 3 years/21 mil) dude had a 6.02 ERA...this is just stupid.

RP- Danys Baez (O's- 3 years/19 mil) the only thing he's got going for him is that he's from Cuba. LaTroy Hawkins (Rox- 1 year/3.5 mil) since when is a reliever with a 4.5 ERA and 1.5 WHIP worth more millions?


Sunday, December 03, 2006

Fun Game

Next time you're curled up with your significant other on the couch watching America's pastime, suggest a little game to spice things up. The rules are simple and the outcome is always good. Tell her you will kiss her on the strikes and she'll kiss you on the balls (great to play when Rick Ankiel is the pitcher).